The New Year's countdown has begun, and as much as I hate to be trite, I am joining myriad pundits and commentators in expressing just how happy I am to move on the the new decade.
2009 was a hell of a year, right? Full of challenges and losses and transitions and victories, writ large and writ small. I can't help but think about the loved ones lost during the past twelve months, and over the past decade. One friend refers to the span of time between 1-1-2000 and 12-31-2009 as the "Aught-Oh's." I am feeling her on that.
However, I can't dismiss the amazing things I have seen and experienced in 2009. My country showed the world what is so unique about American democracy when it swore in an African American named Barack Hussein Obama as its 44th president. An airline pilot showed us the meaning of grace under pressure when he landed his disabled jet liner in the Hudson River.
And on a brilliant Sunday morning in May, I saw my son become a college graduate.
Of course, we know that the moments of triumph are just that -- moments; snapshots in time. Moments to cherish and celebrate, of course. And moments to help prepare us for whatever challenges are coming. 'Cause there's always another challenge coming.
And just like the triumphs provide the foundation to deal with the next challenge, the challenges can serve as the foundation to help reach the next triumph.
Lord knows this has been a year of challenge. A decade of challenge.
With a foundation like this, the next decade should be something great.
Best wishes for a fulfilling new year.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Merry Christmas
It's a few minutes after midnight on Christmas. I'm watching my son finish some last-minute gift wrapping, and thinking about how the frame through which I view Christmas has changed over the years.
I guess the first Christmas I can remember was when I was three years old, although I'm not sure whether it's a real memory or one I've created through old photographs. My big brother is spiffily turned out in a plaid bathrobe, holding his new cowboy gear. My sister has a new doll, and I'm seated beneath the tree with a big wrapped package between my legs. I can't remember what was in that package, but I do remember being pretty happy in the midst of all the chaos.
The age gap between me and my siblings is pretty big, but they did a good job of playing along with the whole Santa vibe -- helping me make cookies and deciding what kind Santa would like during his visit to our house. I don't remember too many Christmas disappointments as far as gifts go. Somehow, my wish lists managed to stay relatively reasonable, and early on I learned the joy of watching someone squeal with delight as they opened a special gift I made or saved my allowance to buy.
Still, things were changing. As time passed, my brother and sister left the Christmas dinner table to hang out with their friends. I finally realized that Santa looked a lot like my Dad, and the Christmas haul changed from toys to clothes and electronics. Eventually, the number of folks around the Christmas grew as we kids paired up and married.
Christmas returned to a time of anticipation, as the adults looked to create new fantasies and traditions for the next generation. I saw the holiday through multiple frames -- the children's, my parents, my parenting and my own personal appreciation of family and time together. Santa was back, along with new cookie varieties.
The first few Christmases after my husband died challenged all of us. We looked at December 25 with a clear reminder of what we'd lost, and also as a reminder of how blessed we were to have strong family and traditions to get us through our pain.
There have been a lot of Christmas changes over the past few years. My father and grandmother passed on. My mother's health deteriorated, and now the Christmas morning traditions and dinner have moved to my sister's home. We baby boomers now have to wake up the young adults in our family to get them down to the tree to open gifts, the reverse of all the years the kids would wake us at dawn.
So now my son has finished his wrapping. There's no expectation of Santa swooping down the chimney.
But there is anticipation of a great time next to the tree this morning, of surprise and delight and smiles and wry jokes and fellowship and love.
The frame continues to change. The joy remains.
Merry Christmas.
I guess the first Christmas I can remember was when I was three years old, although I'm not sure whether it's a real memory or one I've created through old photographs. My big brother is spiffily turned out in a plaid bathrobe, holding his new cowboy gear. My sister has a new doll, and I'm seated beneath the tree with a big wrapped package between my legs. I can't remember what was in that package, but I do remember being pretty happy in the midst of all the chaos.
The age gap between me and my siblings is pretty big, but they did a good job of playing along with the whole Santa vibe -- helping me make cookies and deciding what kind Santa would like during his visit to our house. I don't remember too many Christmas disappointments as far as gifts go. Somehow, my wish lists managed to stay relatively reasonable, and early on I learned the joy of watching someone squeal with delight as they opened a special gift I made or saved my allowance to buy.
Still, things were changing. As time passed, my brother and sister left the Christmas dinner table to hang out with their friends. I finally realized that Santa looked a lot like my Dad, and the Christmas haul changed from toys to clothes and electronics. Eventually, the number of folks around the Christmas grew as we kids paired up and married.
Christmas returned to a time of anticipation, as the adults looked to create new fantasies and traditions for the next generation. I saw the holiday through multiple frames -- the children's, my parents, my parenting and my own personal appreciation of family and time together. Santa was back, along with new cookie varieties.
The first few Christmases after my husband died challenged all of us. We looked at December 25 with a clear reminder of what we'd lost, and also as a reminder of how blessed we were to have strong family and traditions to get us through our pain.
There have been a lot of Christmas changes over the past few years. My father and grandmother passed on. My mother's health deteriorated, and now the Christmas morning traditions and dinner have moved to my sister's home. We baby boomers now have to wake up the young adults in our family to get them down to the tree to open gifts, the reverse of all the years the kids would wake us at dawn.
So now my son has finished his wrapping. There's no expectation of Santa swooping down the chimney.
But there is anticipation of a great time next to the tree this morning, of surprise and delight and smiles and wry jokes and fellowship and love.
The frame continues to change. The joy remains.
Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"The Danger of a Single Story"
The concept and the power of "The Story" is a central feature in coaching. I've made numerous references to people's stories in this blog -- how all of us create stories or narratives to make sense of our situations or environments, or the stories we carry from our childhoods or past experiences.
Recently, a friend shared a video with me that gave me a new perspective on the power and the danger of our stories, and the global implications of when we insist on sticking with a familiar story.
This summer, Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie delivered a TED lecture about the Danger of a Single Story.(If you are not familiar with TED, you need to check it out. TED, which stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design, features short lectures by some of the most creative thinkers in the world, in all kinds of disciplines. The label: "Ideas Worth Spreading.")
On the surface, Adichie's lecture discusses the "single story" of Africa; the limited perspective in the Western World about the mosaic of Africa and its multiple cultures and peoples. Adichie is the child of two college professors, yet her college roommate in America initially believed her to live in some sort of rural hut. Adichie acknowledges her own experience with the Single Story, as applied to the rural domestic help who worked in her parents home.
As I listened to Adichie, I thought again how often the "single story" is applied in our individual workplaces, families and identities. If your personal workplace "story" is of you as the "wunderkind," how will you see yourself as time passes? If your "story" for your supervisor is as a clueless idiot, can you recognize when he or she has a great idea?
Here's the link. It's worth a listen:
Recently, a friend shared a video with me that gave me a new perspective on the power and the danger of our stories, and the global implications of when we insist on sticking with a familiar story.
This summer, Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie delivered a TED lecture about the Danger of a Single Story.(If you are not familiar with TED, you need to check it out. TED, which stands for Technology, Entertainment and Design, features short lectures by some of the most creative thinkers in the world, in all kinds of disciplines. The label: "Ideas Worth Spreading.")
On the surface, Adichie's lecture discusses the "single story" of Africa; the limited perspective in the Western World about the mosaic of Africa and its multiple cultures and peoples. Adichie is the child of two college professors, yet her college roommate in America initially believed her to live in some sort of rural hut. Adichie acknowledges her own experience with the Single Story, as applied to the rural domestic help who worked in her parents home.
As I listened to Adichie, I thought again how often the "single story" is applied in our individual workplaces, families and identities. If your personal workplace "story" is of you as the "wunderkind," how will you see yourself as time passes? If your "story" for your supervisor is as a clueless idiot, can you recognize when he or she has a great idea?
Here's the link. It's worth a listen:
Friday, November 6, 2009
The Infinite Value of Limited Time
This week, the New York Times posted its last segment of the blog "Happy Days: The Pursuit of What Matters in Troubled Times." As the Times described it, "Happy Days is a discussion about the search for contentment in its many forms — economic, emotional, physical, spiritual — and the stories of those striving to come to terms with the lives they lead."
I have not been a regular reader of "Happy Days" and just happened to stumble upon this entry, in which Clemson University philosophy professor and author Todd May writes about a near-death experience. Its publication during a week in which Americans have been confronted and assaulted with dozens of examples of violent, untimely deaths, lead me to think harder about the gift of life we all are given.
These words particularly struck me:
I have not been a regular reader of "Happy Days" and just happened to stumble upon this entry, in which Clemson University philosophy professor and author Todd May writes about a near-death experience. Its publication during a week in which Americans have been confronted and assaulted with dozens of examples of violent, untimely deaths, lead me to think harder about the gift of life we all are given.
These words particularly struck me:
"And when there is always time for everything, there is no urgency for anything. It may well be that life is not long enough. But it is equally true that a life without limits would lose the beauty of its moments. It would become boring, but more deeply it would become shapeless. Just one damn thing after another.
This is the paradox death imposes upon us: it grants us the possibility of a meaningful life even as it takes it away. It gives us the promise of each moment, even as it threatens to steal that moment, or at least reminds us that some time our moments will be gone. It allows each moment to insist upon itself, because there are only a limited number of them. And none of us knows how many."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
From Dysfunction to Function
After posting Albert J. Bernstein's list of 15 Signs Your Workplace is Dysfunctional, I worried it might leave the impression that most workplaces are so screwed up it doesn't matter where you land -- the workplace is doomed to equal dysfunction.
That why I'm happy I came across a recent column by leadership consultant, coach and speaker John Baldoni. He's author of the book "Lead your Boss: The Subtle Art of Managing Up." In his article for the Washington Post blog on leadership, Baldoni offers his insight on The Upside of a Bad Boss and offered his perspective on the opportunities which may be presented inside the dysfunctional workplace:
"Fortunately most bad bosses are not bullies; they are merely incompetent, promoted into positions based on past performance where perhaps they did a good job. Now they are in roles where they are responsible for others, and so they are hopelessly lost and often they are very afraid.
"Such bosses need (and might even welcome) leadership from below, anything that will help them save their jobs which by rights they should not hold. Such bosses create opportunities for bright, energetic souls of good intention to exert their leadership. Before one can lead up, it is essential to be a capable performer. That is, you need to do your job and do it well. Such competence gives you the credibility you need to act."
Read all of Baldoni's article for his suggestions on "managing up from the middle."
Sometimes the example of one person can be the catalyst for change.You don't have to be the boss in order to show leadership and create an atmosphere for positive change. Or to show the path from dysfunction to function.
That why I'm happy I came across a recent column by leadership consultant, coach and speaker John Baldoni. He's author of the book "Lead your Boss: The Subtle Art of Managing Up." In his article for the Washington Post blog on leadership, Baldoni offers his insight on The Upside of a Bad Boss and offered his perspective on the opportunities which may be presented inside the dysfunctional workplace:
"Fortunately most bad bosses are not bullies; they are merely incompetent, promoted into positions based on past performance where perhaps they did a good job. Now they are in roles where they are responsible for others, and so they are hopelessly lost and often they are very afraid.
"Such bosses need (and might even welcome) leadership from below, anything that will help them save their jobs which by rights they should not hold. Such bosses create opportunities for bright, energetic souls of good intention to exert their leadership. Before one can lead up, it is essential to be a capable performer. That is, you need to do your job and do it well. Such competence gives you the credibility you need to act."
Read all of Baldoni's article for his suggestions on "managing up from the middle."
Sometimes the example of one person can be the catalyst for change.You don't have to be the boss in order to show leadership and create an atmosphere for positive change. Or to show the path from dysfunction to function.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The Fun in Workplace Dysfunction
A friend passed along this column by Albert J. Bernstein PhD, author "Am I the Only Sane One Working Here? 101 Solutions for Surviving Office Insanity."
His list -- 15 Signs Your Workplace is Dysfunctional is so spot-on that many people will think he's been hiding in their office, taking notes.
That certainly seems to be the conclusion of the readers who chose to comment on the page.
Notice how the comments come from people in a variety of work environments and industries. Which may indicate we have more company in our misery than we realize.
I've listed a few of my favorite signs from Berstein's list:
Sign No. 1: Conspicuously posted vision or value statements are filled with vague but important-sounding words like "excellence" and "quality"
These words are seldom defined and the concepts they allude to are never measured
Sign No. 4: Double messages are delivered with a straight face
Quality and quantity are both job one. You can do it both cheaper and better, just don't ask how. If you're motivated enough you should know already.
Sign No. 13: You are expected to feel lucky to have a job and know you could lose it if you don't toe the line
Dysfunctional companies maintain control using the threat of punishment. Most will maintain that they also use positive rewards ... like your paycheck. A few people are actually fired, but most of those who go are driven to quit.
Sign No. 14: Rules are enforced based on who you are rather than what you do
In a dysfunctional company, there are clearly insiders and outsiders and everyone knows who belongs in each group. Accountability has different meanings depending on which group you're in.
My point in highlighting Bernstein's column is not to make people feel hopeless, but to recognize bad habits, patterns that can be changed. Change that can lead to a more functional, productive workplace.
There's more to fun than dysfunction.
His list -- 15 Signs Your Workplace is Dysfunctional is so spot-on that many people will think he's been hiding in their office, taking notes.
That certainly seems to be the conclusion of the readers who chose to comment on the page.
Notice how the comments come from people in a variety of work environments and industries. Which may indicate we have more company in our misery than we realize.
I've listed a few of my favorite signs from Berstein's list:
Sign No. 1: Conspicuously posted vision or value statements are filled with vague but important-sounding words like "excellence" and "quality"
These words are seldom defined and the concepts they allude to are never measured
Sign No. 4: Double messages are delivered with a straight face
Quality and quantity are both job one. You can do it both cheaper and better, just don't ask how. If you're motivated enough you should know already.
Sign No. 13: You are expected to feel lucky to have a job and know you could lose it if you don't toe the line
Dysfunctional companies maintain control using the threat of punishment. Most will maintain that they also use positive rewards ... like your paycheck. A few people are actually fired, but most of those who go are driven to quit.
Sign No. 14: Rules are enforced based on who you are rather than what you do
In a dysfunctional company, there are clearly insiders and outsiders and everyone knows who belongs in each group. Accountability has different meanings depending on which group you're in.
My point in highlighting Bernstein's column is not to make people feel hopeless, but to recognize bad habits, patterns that can be changed. Change that can lead to a more functional, productive workplace.
There's more to fun than dysfunction.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Every Man (One) for Himself (Themselves). Is That So Bad?
A recent article in the Los Angeles Times chronicled the latest round of musical chairs among moguls in the entertainment industry. Too rich for my blood, but I paused to focus on this quote from Martin Kaplan, who chairs the Annenberg Norman Lear Center at the University of Southern California:
"The era of lifelong loyalty is long gone. People don't have careers, they have jobs, and their loyalty is to their own goals, which can be fulfilled in different settings."
At face value, Kaplan's words can read pretty harshly -- dog-eat-dog world and all that. Makes people long for a world where a handshake was as good as a contract, and the employer/employee relationship implied a lifetime commitment and mutual responsibility.
The evidence is all around us on how unrealistic those expectations are in 2009. But is that so bad?
What if employees came to work each day with the intention of doing their best, because that's the standard they hold for themselves? What if the idea of being loyal to yourself meant putting forth your best effort for a sense of self-respect, no matter where you work or for how long?
What if employers realized it would further their own selfish goals to treat their employees and customers well, because their good reputation would grow their business?
Excuse me. I got carried away.
Yet, wouldn't that be a nice place to go?
"The era of lifelong loyalty is long gone. People don't have careers, they have jobs, and their loyalty is to their own goals, which can be fulfilled in different settings."
At face value, Kaplan's words can read pretty harshly -- dog-eat-dog world and all that. Makes people long for a world where a handshake was as good as a contract, and the employer/employee relationship implied a lifetime commitment and mutual responsibility.
The evidence is all around us on how unrealistic those expectations are in 2009. But is that so bad?
What if employees came to work each day with the intention of doing their best, because that's the standard they hold for themselves? What if the idea of being loyal to yourself meant putting forth your best effort for a sense of self-respect, no matter where you work or for how long?
What if employers realized it would further their own selfish goals to treat their employees and customers well, because their good reputation would grow their business?
Excuse me. I got carried away.
Yet, wouldn't that be a nice place to go?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Coaching For Everyone
One of the things I most love about coaching is that there are about as many ways of being a coach as there are people to coach.
There are life coaches, dating coaches and parenting coaches; career coaches and executive coaches; coaches who specialize in biotech research, law firms, philanthropic organizations; myriad variations that I could not begin to list here.
I think everyone can benefit from coaching (me included). And the more people who learn about coaching and its benefits, the better for everyone.
That's why I'm so pleased to bring attention to this column by master coach Jill Geisler, who heads the Leadership and Management Group at the Poynter Institute, a training institute for journalists. Fans of this blog know they can find a link to Jill's column, "Leading Lines," on the left rail of this page.
Jill writes about what great bosses know about coaching their employees to higher levels of performance. She explains why it's worth the additional effort to resist "fixing" or doing everything yourself, and encouraging workers to discover their own talents.
Imagine what the workplace would be like if more bosses and supervisors saw themselves as coaches, empowered to support employees in finding their best, most creative and most resourceful selves.
As far as I'm concerned, the more coaches, the merrier.
Enjoy Jill's thoughtful analysis. And be sure to read more of Jill's work through the link on left side of this page.
There are life coaches, dating coaches and parenting coaches; career coaches and executive coaches; coaches who specialize in biotech research, law firms, philanthropic organizations; myriad variations that I could not begin to list here.
I think everyone can benefit from coaching (me included). And the more people who learn about coaching and its benefits, the better for everyone.
That's why I'm so pleased to bring attention to this column by master coach Jill Geisler, who heads the Leadership and Management Group at the Poynter Institute, a training institute for journalists. Fans of this blog know they can find a link to Jill's column, "Leading Lines," on the left rail of this page.
Jill writes about what great bosses know about coaching their employees to higher levels of performance. She explains why it's worth the additional effort to resist "fixing" or doing everything yourself, and encouraging workers to discover their own talents.
Imagine what the workplace would be like if more bosses and supervisors saw themselves as coaches, empowered to support employees in finding their best, most creative and most resourceful selves.
As far as I'm concerned, the more coaches, the merrier.
Enjoy Jill's thoughtful analysis. And be sure to read more of Jill's work through the link on left side of this page.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
A Different Frame
This clever video, produced for AARP, shows how you can take the same words, put them through a different frame, and come to a different conclusion:
Thursday, October 15, 2009
"I Suck At This"
The Washington Post website offers a series of of video interviews offering opinions on various qualities of leadership. Today's feature focuses on a personal crusade of mine: the ability to admit mistakes.
Paul Schmitz, CEO of the nonprofit organization Public Allies, tells Washington Post business columnist Steve Pearlstein "why fessing up about your failings strengthens your role as a leader."
One of my favorite "ah-ha" moments in the interview is when Schmitz discusses the "risk" of acknowledging weaknesses.
"It's not like these things are secrets," Schmitz says. "Everyone knows it; everyone sees it. And so I think that a lot of times that we have this denial in ourselves that people recognize...but everyone knows. And if we just say it, it makes it a lot easier to deal with."
Watch the whole interview here:
Paul Schmitz, CEO of the nonprofit organization Public Allies, tells Washington Post business columnist Steve Pearlstein "why fessing up about your failings strengthens your role as a leader."
One of my favorite "ah-ha" moments in the interview is when Schmitz discusses the "risk" of acknowledging weaknesses.
"It's not like these things are secrets," Schmitz says. "Everyone knows it; everyone sees it. And so I think that a lot of times that we have this denial in ourselves that people recognize...but everyone knows. And if we just say it, it makes it a lot easier to deal with."
Watch the whole interview here:
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
What Would You Give Up To Be Right?
Human beings are rational, right? That's what separates us from other mammals, our ability to make rational choices, right?
So why do people chose to cling to an opinion even after they are presented with verifiable but contradictory evidence?
An article by Lane Wallace in The Atlantic Magazine examines research by multiple social scientists which shows that people often employ "motivated reasoning." "Motivated reasoning" helps fend off any evidence which might prove strongly held beliefs are wrong.
Wallace describes this "motivated reasoning" as a response to "cognitive dissonance" -- discomfort caused by the presence of two irreconcilable ideas in the mind at once. She writes:
"One way of resolving the dissonance would be to change or alter the originally held opinion. But the researchers found that many people instead choose to change the conflicting evidence--selectively seeking out information or arguments that support their position while arguing around or ignoring any opposing evidence, even if that means using questionable or contorted logic."
We can see this type of motivated reasoning all around us in the current political climate -- the decision to reject ideas or opinions we might otherwise embrace when those ideas come from the opposite side of the political spectrum.
However, we don't have to wade into civic debate to see this concept at work. You can look around your own office, or the private chambers of your own mind to witness how hard it is to release old ideas.
Within the research, UCLA public policy professor Mark Kleiman observes "the brute fact [is] that people identify their opinions with themselves...to admit having been wrong is to have lost the argument, and (as Vince Lombardi said), every time you lose, you die a little." Kleiman adds: "there is no more destructive force in human affairs -- not greed, not hatred -- than the desire to have been right."
Another way of seeing this pattern is "It's my story and I'm sticking to it" approach. I've written about this presentation before in this blog; the embrace of a well-worn personal story even when it no longer serves you or your needs.
Kleiman describes the struggle this way:
"I would define a true intellectual as one who cares terribly about being right, and not at all about having been right."
As Wallace says "Easy to say, very hard to achieve."
The use of the words "true intellectual" make this internal struggle sound lofty and high-minded. And it is. But at the same time, this is the work that faces each of us; in our internal dialogues, with our families and friends, in the work place, and in our evaluation of the great issues of the day.
Are we willing to receive and consider knowledge that goes against what we think we already know?
What are you willing to give up to truly be right?
So why do people chose to cling to an opinion even after they are presented with verifiable but contradictory evidence?
An article by Lane Wallace in The Atlantic Magazine examines research by multiple social scientists which shows that people often employ "motivated reasoning." "Motivated reasoning" helps fend off any evidence which might prove strongly held beliefs are wrong.
Wallace describes this "motivated reasoning" as a response to "cognitive dissonance" -- discomfort caused by the presence of two irreconcilable ideas in the mind at once. She writes:
"One way of resolving the dissonance would be to change or alter the originally held opinion. But the researchers found that many people instead choose to change the conflicting evidence--selectively seeking out information or arguments that support their position while arguing around or ignoring any opposing evidence, even if that means using questionable or contorted logic."
We can see this type of motivated reasoning all around us in the current political climate -- the decision to reject ideas or opinions we might otherwise embrace when those ideas come from the opposite side of the political spectrum.
However, we don't have to wade into civic debate to see this concept at work. You can look around your own office, or the private chambers of your own mind to witness how hard it is to release old ideas.
Within the research, UCLA public policy professor Mark Kleiman observes "the brute fact [is] that people identify their opinions with themselves...to admit having been wrong is to have lost the argument, and (as Vince Lombardi said), every time you lose, you die a little." Kleiman adds: "there is no more destructive force in human affairs -- not greed, not hatred -- than the desire to have been right."
Another way of seeing this pattern is "It's my story and I'm sticking to it" approach. I've written about this presentation before in this blog; the embrace of a well-worn personal story even when it no longer serves you or your needs.
Kleiman describes the struggle this way:
"I would define a true intellectual as one who cares terribly about being right, and not at all about having been right."
As Wallace says "Easy to say, very hard to achieve."
The use of the words "true intellectual" make this internal struggle sound lofty and high-minded. And it is. But at the same time, this is the work that faces each of us; in our internal dialogues, with our families and friends, in the work place, and in our evaluation of the great issues of the day.
Are we willing to receive and consider knowledge that goes against what we think we already know?
What are you willing to give up to truly be right?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The issue is not certain
"Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer, the issue is not certain."
Movie fans reading this will recognize these previous words as a quote from the Coen brothers Academy Award winning film, No Country for Old Men.
I'm a big fan of the brothers Coen, going back to the bizarre and hilarious Raising Arizona through Fargo and beyond. I love their ear for sharp, memorable phrases that stay with your long after the final credits have rolled.
In No Country for Old Men (adapted from the Cormas McCarthy novel of the same name), set in 1980, a kinda of regular guy with shifting ethics comes across a boatload of money left in the aftermath of a drug deal gone murderously wrong. Llewelyn Moss, a Vietnam vet, is a survivor at heart and believes he ultimately will be able to outsmart and escape the sociopath hit man who's been tasked to retrieve the money Llewelyn found in the Texas brush.
Llewelyn's wife, Carla Jean, knows her husband's gotten himself into a mess, but knows none of the details. She also doesn't know what the local sheriff, Ed Tom Bell, has seen in the wake of this debacle -- more dead bodies and more brutality that ever in his decades on the job.
Ed Tom Bell believes that Carla Jean's husband is involved in some way, and that Llewelyn has bitten off far more than he can chew in this situation. Bell tries to persuade Carla Jean that her man needs help. She doesn't disagree, but knows Llewelyn has complete faith in his ability to make things turn out right.
So Bell tells a little story about a freak accident involving a man slaughtering cattle and concludes:
"Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer, the issue is not certain."
The coach in me sees this two ways.
1) Even when all the cards are stacked in your favor, even with all the preparation in the word, the outcome is not certain.
But that also means 2) Even when all the cards are stack against you, you still have a chance.
Movie fans reading this will recognize these previous words as a quote from the Coen brothers Academy Award winning film, No Country for Old Men.
I'm a big fan of the brothers Coen, going back to the bizarre and hilarious Raising Arizona through Fargo and beyond. I love their ear for sharp, memorable phrases that stay with your long after the final credits have rolled.
In No Country for Old Men (adapted from the Cormas McCarthy novel of the same name), set in 1980, a kinda of regular guy with shifting ethics comes across a boatload of money left in the aftermath of a drug deal gone murderously wrong. Llewelyn Moss, a Vietnam vet, is a survivor at heart and believes he ultimately will be able to outsmart and escape the sociopath hit man who's been tasked to retrieve the money Llewelyn found in the Texas brush.
Llewelyn's wife, Carla Jean, knows her husband's gotten himself into a mess, but knows none of the details. She also doesn't know what the local sheriff, Ed Tom Bell, has seen in the wake of this debacle -- more dead bodies and more brutality that ever in his decades on the job.
Ed Tom Bell believes that Carla Jean's husband is involved in some way, and that Llewelyn has bitten off far more than he can chew in this situation. Bell tries to persuade Carla Jean that her man needs help. She doesn't disagree, but knows Llewelyn has complete faith in his ability to make things turn out right.
So Bell tells a little story about a freak accident involving a man slaughtering cattle and concludes:
"Point bein', even in the contest between man and steer, the issue is not certain."
The coach in me sees this two ways.
1) Even when all the cards are stacked in your favor, even with all the preparation in the word, the outcome is not certain.
But that also means 2) Even when all the cards are stack against you, you still have a chance.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Five Key Questions
Reading this new essay by master coach Marcus Buckingham, I am reminded again why I am drawn to coaching as a vocation and its power to illuminate the basic truths that can lead to happier, more authentic lives.
As part of a series of essays Buckingham is writing on Women and Happiness for the popular Huffington Post website, he poses these five critical questions to drill down on how to chose happiness:
1. How often do you get to do things you really like to do?
2. How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?
3. How often do you get so involved in what you're doing you lose track of time?
4. How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?
5. How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?
For those unfamiliar with Marcus Buckingham, he is best known for his work as a strengths coach; that is, focusing on those things and behaviors that strengthen us. And although his Huffington Post essays concentrate on women, there is learning here for everyone.
With the questions listed above, you can see the distinction between those things we are good at, and those things which are good for us. That can be a tough distinction to make, especially when we are rewarded or even honored for practices that drain our spirits.
If you have the chance, I really recommend reading all of the Buckingham essays on Women and Happiness. He provides the background his research, which showed despite all the technological advances and the improving status of women in cultures around the world, women self-reported being less happy with their lives. That essay is here.
Buckingham breaks it down further in his next essay, saying that the more options women have, the more they seem to use those options to measure themselves, often negatively. In other words, they didn't focus on what they did well; they stressed over all they were not doing, or not doing well enough. My description may be slightly off -- judge for yourself here.
As part of a series of essays Buckingham is writing on Women and Happiness for the popular Huffington Post website, he poses these five critical questions to drill down on how to chose happiness:
1. How often do you get to do things you really like to do?
2. How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?
3. How often do you get so involved in what you're doing you lose track of time?
4. How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?
5. How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?
For those unfamiliar with Marcus Buckingham, he is best known for his work as a strengths coach; that is, focusing on those things and behaviors that strengthen us. And although his Huffington Post essays concentrate on women, there is learning here for everyone.
With the questions listed above, you can see the distinction between those things we are good at, and those things which are good for us. That can be a tough distinction to make, especially when we are rewarded or even honored for practices that drain our spirits.
-----------------
If you have the chance, I really recommend reading all of the Buckingham essays on Women and Happiness. He provides the background his research, which showed despite all the technological advances and the improving status of women in cultures around the world, women self-reported being less happy with their lives. That essay is here.
Buckingham breaks it down further in his next essay, saying that the more options women have, the more they seem to use those options to measure themselves, often negatively. In other words, they didn't focus on what they did well; they stressed over all they were not doing, or not doing well enough. My description may be slightly off -- judge for yourself here.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
New School Communications/Old School Respect
This is another entry/salvo in the social media wars.
A dear friend of mine is somewhat of a social media maven. She gives presentations to nonprofits and other groups about how they can utilize Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, etc. as communications tools to expand their message, their audience and their brand.
Recently, she noted that while participating on a panel with other presenters, some of the panelists would whip out their Blackberrys or Netbooks or other keyboards and start typing while other people were speaking. The feedback from their audience showed that some people found this behavior to be quite rude; others didn't mind at all.
The response from the typing presenters was that they thought it would be cool to check Twitter during the event to see how much traffic it was generating.
My friend likened this to teenagers who constantly tweet or text while having dinner at grandma's house.
Now, I have to say that my first reaction to this is "Oh, HELL no." And I will tell you that if either of my kids started texting while visiting their grandmother, they would get a side eye look from me that would virtually zap that phone out of their hands.
To me, this is a basic matter of respect. And a lesson in communications 101. If you ever heard of the famous Dale Carnegie course, you know that its title is "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
I don't see how you're going to influence anyone if you can't even pretend to be interested in them.
If I have paid money to attend a seminar, or even if I left the comfort of my home or office to attend a free seminar, the least the presenters could do is act like they think the information is worth listening to. And that they want to be there.
Have you ever had a professional or social meeting with someone who kept checking their watch? Didn't each glance down make you feel a little smaller; a little less important in that person's sphere?
Now, I will acknowledge that the rules may be different for a presentation on social media. In fact, the idea of a real-time demonstration of how social media tracks an event could heighten the learning experience for the audience.
However, there's a way to do that while letting the audience know what you're trying to accomplish. Then they are in on the experiment. In fact, they are your partner.
If that, indeed, was what the presenter was doing.
My suspicion, like that of many of the people who complained, was that the presenter had not committed to being fully present for the seminar audience. And some of the audience did not like it.
My friend puts on a really good presentation: funny, engaging, informative, accessible. I know that anyone who saw her speak left with new information they could apply to their work the very same day.
However, I'm also guessing that a lot of the audience left with a less-than-positive impression of the presenters who checked out of the seminar as they sat on the panel before them. Which strikes me as an ineffective way of communicating with anyone.
From my old school frame of mind: your devotion to new technology does not trump your obligation to respect the people in front of you.
A dear friend of mine is somewhat of a social media maven. She gives presentations to nonprofits and other groups about how they can utilize Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, etc. as communications tools to expand their message, their audience and their brand.
Recently, she noted that while participating on a panel with other presenters, some of the panelists would whip out their Blackberrys or Netbooks or other keyboards and start typing while other people were speaking. The feedback from their audience showed that some people found this behavior to be quite rude; others didn't mind at all.
The response from the typing presenters was that they thought it would be cool to check Twitter during the event to see how much traffic it was generating.
My friend likened this to teenagers who constantly tweet or text while having dinner at grandma's house.
Now, I have to say that my first reaction to this is "Oh, HELL no." And I will tell you that if either of my kids started texting while visiting their grandmother, they would get a side eye look from me that would virtually zap that phone out of their hands.
To me, this is a basic matter of respect. And a lesson in communications 101. If you ever heard of the famous Dale Carnegie course, you know that its title is "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
I don't see how you're going to influence anyone if you can't even pretend to be interested in them.
If I have paid money to attend a seminar, or even if I left the comfort of my home or office to attend a free seminar, the least the presenters could do is act like they think the information is worth listening to. And that they want to be there.
Have you ever had a professional or social meeting with someone who kept checking their watch? Didn't each glance down make you feel a little smaller; a little less important in that person's sphere?
Now, I will acknowledge that the rules may be different for a presentation on social media. In fact, the idea of a real-time demonstration of how social media tracks an event could heighten the learning experience for the audience.
However, there's a way to do that while letting the audience know what you're trying to accomplish. Then they are in on the experiment. In fact, they are your partner.
If that, indeed, was what the presenter was doing.
My suspicion, like that of many of the people who complained, was that the presenter had not committed to being fully present for the seminar audience. And some of the audience did not like it.
My friend puts on a really good presentation: funny, engaging, informative, accessible. I know that anyone who saw her speak left with new information they could apply to their work the very same day.
However, I'm also guessing that a lot of the audience left with a less-than-positive impression of the presenters who checked out of the seminar as they sat on the panel before them. Which strikes me as an ineffective way of communicating with anyone.
From my old school frame of mind: your devotion to new technology does not trump your obligation to respect the people in front of you.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Mercury Retrograde
As a baby boomer, I grew up with more than a passing awareness of astrology. I know my sign (Taurus); I know the basic characteristics associated with the 12 astrological signs. I've even had my chart read -- more than once.
Overall, I'm not much of a follower of astrology. I can't say that I even read my horoscope with any regularity. But there is one astrological phenomenon I track: Mercury Retrograde.
Mercury Retrograde occurs about three times a year, for a period of about three weeks. It marks a time when the planet Mercury appears to be moving backwards in its orbit in the night sky. In truth, it's an illusion. But this occurrence is said to wreck havoc with communications between human beings, whether face to face conversations, contracts, correspondence and the devices we use to communicate with each other.
Here's more on the phenomenon, as described on the website About.com:
One potent example of the possible power of Mercury Retrograde: the fractious 2000 presidential election happened during a Retrograde period.
The current Retrograde period started Monday, September 7, and lasts through September 29. The Retrograde effect is said to extend at least a week beyond its official start and finish.
I marked the beginning of the current Retrograde period with the repeated failure of a home computer. It's an older machine, but it's been pretty reliable and provides backup for the laptops in our network. Starting in August, this computer divorced itself from the Internet, defeated almost every repair attempt whether by telephone instruction or professional on site repair, and required a complete re-installation of its operating system. We have spent hours trying to restore this machine to connectivity. I gave it all I had in an effort to avoid buying a new machine.
After another three hours of online chat last night, I think we're back in business.
So I'm convinced that Mercury Retrograde is front and center right now. And I'm also trying to remember the opportunities that it can offer. A review of the About.com entry above highlights the idea that tangled communications may force us to focus on problems that we have been glossing over; things that need more attention. The additional effort could leave us in a better place than we were before.
In other words, Mercury Retrograde may provide the perfect opportunity for reflection.
Overall, I'm not much of a follower of astrology. I can't say that I even read my horoscope with any regularity. But there is one astrological phenomenon I track: Mercury Retrograde.
Mercury Retrograde occurs about three times a year, for a period of about three weeks. It marks a time when the planet Mercury appears to be moving backwards in its orbit in the night sky. In truth, it's an illusion. But this occurrence is said to wreck havoc with communications between human beings, whether face to face conversations, contracts, correspondence and the devices we use to communicate with each other.
Here's more on the phenomenon, as described on the website About.com:
What happens during Mercury Retrograde?:
Since Mercury rules communication, it's said that everything goes haywire in that area -- emails get deleted or bounced back, mail is returned, calls go out into the ethers, etc. Some people find that their computers go on the fritz or phone lines go down. I've never seen the hard data on this, so make your own observations. It does seem though that miscommunications abound during the retrograde period.A Time-Out:
Mercury retrograde gives us time to catch up with ourselves, and to look back. Something from the past might return in a different form. This can mean people, ideas or buried insights that need to surface for you to move forward. Often it's felt as a contemplative time, depending on the sign, a chance to go over old ground again, to claim what you missed the first time.Be Non-Committal:
There's a long-held belief that it's best to avoid making set plans during the Mercury Retrograde. This means being cautious about things like signing contracts, and forming partnerships and corporations. What gets put in writing at this time may turn out to need serious revising after Mercury goes direct. But since tying up loose ends is the domain of retrograde, this type of finalization might fly.Can you repeat that?:
In our relationships, sometimes we gloss over things that pushed buttons at the time, but which we let slide. What seemed not worth the trouble may reveal itself as a major issue in need of our attention. The Mercury retrograde is a time for review, when the underlying patterns come to light.Back to the Drawing Board:
Some dreams and goals get lost in the hectic rushing around of daily life. The Mercury Retrograde period can be a rich time of reflection on those longings. This makes it a time for the soul to ponder its destiny. You might look over old journals, review your creative work, muse on serendipities of the past that have pointed you toward your spirit's calling. It can make the retrograde period a time of solidifying a sense of your personal story and where you're headed.One potent example of the possible power of Mercury Retrograde: the fractious 2000 presidential election happened during a Retrograde period.
The current Retrograde period started Monday, September 7, and lasts through September 29. The Retrograde effect is said to extend at least a week beyond its official start and finish.
I marked the beginning of the current Retrograde period with the repeated failure of a home computer. It's an older machine, but it's been pretty reliable and provides backup for the laptops in our network. Starting in August, this computer divorced itself from the Internet, defeated almost every repair attempt whether by telephone instruction or professional on site repair, and required a complete re-installation of its operating system. We have spent hours trying to restore this machine to connectivity. I gave it all I had in an effort to avoid buying a new machine.
After another three hours of online chat last night, I think we're back in business.
So I'm convinced that Mercury Retrograde is front and center right now. And I'm also trying to remember the opportunities that it can offer. A review of the About.com entry above highlights the idea that tangled communications may force us to focus on problems that we have been glossing over; things that need more attention. The additional effort could leave us in a better place than we were before.
In other words, Mercury Retrograde may provide the perfect opportunity for reflection.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Multi-Labor
Happy Labor Day!
At this traditional transition point of the end of summer and the start of fall's more serious pursuits, I thought it was a good time to revisit a theme that plays out in countless offices and households everywhere -- the myth of multitasking.
Academic research deconstructing the multitasking myth continues to multiple. The latest was published about a week ago by Stanford University. Researchers Eyal Ophis, Clifford Nass and Anthony Wagner focused on three major assumptions about "successful" multitaskers in this electronic hyper-information consumption era:
1) They manage to pay attention simultaneously to multiple stimuli.
2) They can shuttle from task to task more quickly than other people.
3) They can control their memories better so that they can resume a task from right where they left off.
But in a series of tests which compared those who regularly do a lot of media multitasking with those who don't, the multitaskers were:
1) More distractable
2) Less able to sort through stimuli
3) Less able to stay on task
The Stanford website has a great summary of the study, which can be found here.
Tell the truth: is multitasking making you are productive as you think?
At this traditional transition point of the end of summer and the start of fall's more serious pursuits, I thought it was a good time to revisit a theme that plays out in countless offices and households everywhere -- the myth of multitasking.
Academic research deconstructing the multitasking myth continues to multiple. The latest was published about a week ago by Stanford University. Researchers Eyal Ophis, Clifford Nass and Anthony Wagner focused on three major assumptions about "successful" multitaskers in this electronic hyper-information consumption era:
1) They manage to pay attention simultaneously to multiple stimuli.
2) They can shuttle from task to task more quickly than other people.
3) They can control their memories better so that they can resume a task from right where they left off.
But in a series of tests which compared those who regularly do a lot of media multitasking with those who don't, the multitaskers were:
1) More distractable
2) Less able to sort through stimuli
3) Less able to stay on task
The Stanford website has a great summary of the study, which can be found here.
Tell the truth: is multitasking making you are productive as you think?
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Safety First
Management coach extraordinaire Jill Geisler hits the mark today in her regular podcast for the Poynter Institute. She's talking about how smart managers can benefit from creating a "Safe Venting Zone" for themselves.
(A link to Jill's management blog, "Leading Lines," can be found on the left rail of this page, just a few scrolls down).
Jill recognizes that everyone can get overwhelmed sometimes and need to blow off some steam -- even the most competent and creative executives. As Jill describes it:
"Used properly, your Safe Venting Zone provides you with ideas, solutions and a little therapy. In the Zone, you are away from your staff and in the company of a highly qualified partner."
Jill addresses the need for confidentiality and discretion, vital qualities to keep a "Safe Venting Zone" safe.
Jill adds: "Great bosses know that even blowing off steam needs to be done strategically or it can be self-defeating. That's especially the case when bosses choose to vent to their employees."
She's specifically writing about newsroom managers, but everyone can benefit from planning a safe place to vent.
You can read more from Jill here. And link to the podcast here.
One more thing: Happy Birthday, Jill!
(A link to Jill's management blog, "Leading Lines," can be found on the left rail of this page, just a few scrolls down).
Jill recognizes that everyone can get overwhelmed sometimes and need to blow off some steam -- even the most competent and creative executives. As Jill describes it:
"Used properly, your Safe Venting Zone provides you with ideas, solutions and a little therapy. In the Zone, you are away from your staff and in the company of a highly qualified partner."
Jill addresses the need for confidentiality and discretion, vital qualities to keep a "Safe Venting Zone" safe.
Jill adds: "Great bosses know that even blowing off steam needs to be done strategically or it can be self-defeating. That's especially the case when bosses choose to vent to their employees."
She's specifically writing about newsroom managers, but everyone can benefit from planning a safe place to vent.
You can read more from Jill here. And link to the podcast here.
One more thing: Happy Birthday, Jill!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Find A Ladder, or Lend One
This is a bear in trouble. Somehow, the bear got trapped in a Colorado skateboarding park and couldn't get out. After spending the night in the skating bowl, an employee of the Snowmass Colorado Parks and Recreation Department lowered a ladder into the pit which permitted the bear to climb out. You can see the whole sequence here.
Ed, a coach friend of mine shared this image with me. I suggested that the lesson is that people should find their ladders -- the help that they might need -- and save themselves. Ever wise, Ed added "Yes, and throw a ladder to a buddy in need."
Friday, August 28, 2009
Confessions
Time to 'fess up.
Readers of this blog have noticed (hopefully!) the lack of activity over the summer. I wrote about it recently, attributing my absence to the heavy workload I carried over the past few months. That's true, but it's not the whole story.
It's not just work that's laid heavily upon me. It's been more a question of mood, of atmosphere. A sense of uneasiness.
Or just plain meanness. The public discourse sapped my soul this summer. I guess it started around the time of the incident involving Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates. As most of America knows, a Cambridge police officer responded to a 911 call at the professor's home, investigating a possible break in. There was a confrontation. Words were exchanged. Ultimately, Gates was arrested and briefly held in jail before he was released and the charges dropped.
Then President Obama was asked about the event at a White House news conference. He said he thought the police had behaved "stupidly" by arresting someone in their own house, after the homeowner had presented proper identification.
You know the rest. The country and the Internet exploded into arguments about black vs. white; cop vs. citizen; Ivy League vs. blue collar; and various forms of class warfare. The missives got nasty and personal. I stupidly continued my practice of reading the comment sections following various news articles and blog posts. Read them until I realized I was being poisoned by the vitriol.
The Gates controversy subsided as the Health Care debate ratcheted up. Now the hostility was no longer limited to the Internet, but live and in person at Town Hall meetings. Little debate or information sharing there. Just screaming and half-truths and name calling, sometimes with a firearm accompaniment. All offered fresh all day courtesy of your favorite cable channel.
And this week, I've been stunned at the outpouring of hate focused on the late Sen. Edward Kennedy, a man whose personal failings were well-documented. I was stunned that some people needed their demonized portrait of the liberal politician so much that they could not take one moment to acknowledge his humanity, or the possibility that he'd contributed anything positive to mankind.
I can't really explain why this atmosphere has weighed on me so heavily. Maybe it's the confrontation with hardened ideas and hardened heart -- surely anathema to a coach who believes in options, and the capacity in each of us to learn from our disappointments and failures to begin again.
Enough. I'm done with the lamenting. Done with being made small by the negativity of others. I reclaim my voice. I chose to coach and to lead by example.
Baby, I'm Back.
Readers of this blog have noticed (hopefully!) the lack of activity over the summer. I wrote about it recently, attributing my absence to the heavy workload I carried over the past few months. That's true, but it's not the whole story.
It's not just work that's laid heavily upon me. It's been more a question of mood, of atmosphere. A sense of uneasiness.
Or just plain meanness. The public discourse sapped my soul this summer. I guess it started around the time of the incident involving Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates. As most of America knows, a Cambridge police officer responded to a 911 call at the professor's home, investigating a possible break in. There was a confrontation. Words were exchanged. Ultimately, Gates was arrested and briefly held in jail before he was released and the charges dropped.
Then President Obama was asked about the event at a White House news conference. He said he thought the police had behaved "stupidly" by arresting someone in their own house, after the homeowner had presented proper identification.
You know the rest. The country and the Internet exploded into arguments about black vs. white; cop vs. citizen; Ivy League vs. blue collar; and various forms of class warfare. The missives got nasty and personal. I stupidly continued my practice of reading the comment sections following various news articles and blog posts. Read them until I realized I was being poisoned by the vitriol.
The Gates controversy subsided as the Health Care debate ratcheted up. Now the hostility was no longer limited to the Internet, but live and in person at Town Hall meetings. Little debate or information sharing there. Just screaming and half-truths and name calling, sometimes with a firearm accompaniment. All offered fresh all day courtesy of your favorite cable channel.
And this week, I've been stunned at the outpouring of hate focused on the late Sen. Edward Kennedy, a man whose personal failings were well-documented. I was stunned that some people needed their demonized portrait of the liberal politician so much that they could not take one moment to acknowledge his humanity, or the possibility that he'd contributed anything positive to mankind.
I can't really explain why this atmosphere has weighed on me so heavily. Maybe it's the confrontation with hardened ideas and hardened heart -- surely anathema to a coach who believes in options, and the capacity in each of us to learn from our disappointments and failures to begin again.
Enough. I'm done with the lamenting. Done with being made small by the negativity of others. I reclaim my voice. I chose to coach and to lead by example.
Baby, I'm Back.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Google Thyself
I Googled myself today.
It wasn't the first time, by far. Curiosity had led me to that practice many times in the past.
But I hadn't be so motivated for some time. Until today.
It wasn't an exercise of vanity. Instead, it was a form of self-preservation.
Washington Post writer Kathleen Parker prompted my search. Her column today details legal activity surrounding a Vogue model and an anonymous blogger who plainly did not find said model to be her flava. The blogger posted frequently and voluminously about model Liskula Cohen, describing her as a "skank," along with other derogatory names.
Cohen worried that these missives could negatively impact her marketability. After all, how many businesses want their products to be identified with a "skank?" So she sued Google, which hosted the offending blog (as well as this one, if you haven't noticed), and demanded to know the true identity of the poster. A New York Supreme Court judge ruled in Cohen's favor and ordered Google to reveal the blogger's name.
That's not the end of it; not yet, at least. The outed blogger, Rosemary Port, is now suing Google for $15 million because it disclosed her identity. Cohen has dropped her previous lawsuit.
Now apart from my frequent despair over the growing lack of civility in anonymous discourse over the Internet, my interest in this dispute was minimal. After all, why would I have reason to worry about my online profile?
Then I stopped. Because it only takes one determined person to turn your electronic world upside down. Even if you believe yourself to be a straight shooter and fair broker.
So I Googled myself for the first time in several months. There were a lot more entries than I expected. Only a couple of surprises. And thankfully, nothing that bad.
But I will be keeping a closer watch in the days to come.
A word to the wise: Do you know who you are in cyberspace?
It wasn't the first time, by far. Curiosity had led me to that practice many times in the past.
But I hadn't be so motivated for some time. Until today.
It wasn't an exercise of vanity. Instead, it was a form of self-preservation.
Washington Post writer Kathleen Parker prompted my search. Her column today details legal activity surrounding a Vogue model and an anonymous blogger who plainly did not find said model to be her flava. The blogger posted frequently and voluminously about model Liskula Cohen, describing her as a "skank," along with other derogatory names.
Cohen worried that these missives could negatively impact her marketability. After all, how many businesses want their products to be identified with a "skank?" So she sued Google, which hosted the offending blog (as well as this one, if you haven't noticed), and demanded to know the true identity of the poster. A New York Supreme Court judge ruled in Cohen's favor and ordered Google to reveal the blogger's name.
That's not the end of it; not yet, at least. The outed blogger, Rosemary Port, is now suing Google for $15 million because it disclosed her identity. Cohen has dropped her previous lawsuit.
Now apart from my frequent despair over the growing lack of civility in anonymous discourse over the Internet, my interest in this dispute was minimal. After all, why would I have reason to worry about my online profile?
Then I stopped. Because it only takes one determined person to turn your electronic world upside down. Even if you believe yourself to be a straight shooter and fair broker.
So I Googled myself for the first time in several months. There were a lot more entries than I expected. Only a couple of surprises. And thankfully, nothing that bad.
But I will be keeping a closer watch in the days to come.
A word to the wise: Do you know who you are in cyberspace?
Friday, August 14, 2009
Begin Again
Oh boy.
I was afraid to see how long it had been since I'd posted to this blog.
Wow.
I'd think about writing something to explain my absence, but then it would seem lame and I was busy, so I let it go.
The truth is a little more complicated, but not by much.
I had a lot of work. A LOT. Which, in these challenging times, is a good thing.
I would get up early and stay up late into the tonight to balance my projects. I found that burning the candle at both ends gets much more exhausting as I get older.
I also reaffirmed that I can tolerate almost anything (almost!) as long as I know it is finite.
I could reach for a number of profound metaphors from that statement, but I'll let it lay as it is for know.
Another truth is that at some point, I made a choice to let the blogging go for the short run. I recognized I had a finite amount of energy to get through this period, and something had to go. Something turned out to be Present Perfect Coach.
It's likely that I might have found a way to do my blogging. For a variety of reasons, the best plan for me was to give myself permission to let it go for the short term.
So now the big projects are over, and I'm about to launch another big project; one that's much closer to my heart.
I'm taking my baby girl back to college tomorrow. We'll head off early in the morning.
The faithful reader may realize that this is my daughter's sophomore year at college, so it's not the first time she's left the nest.
Yet, this journey does mark a new beginning for her. She's entering a new university in a new state, in a different part of the country.
I am enormously proud of her, for so many reasons. She assessed her freshman college situation, and realized "you only get one chance to do undergrad. I think I can do it better." On her own, she researched her options, made her applications and successfully transferred to another school.
Because this is my kid, I'd like to think I've provided her with the tools and the foundation to know she had options, and to have the courage to try something new. And to learn from less-than-perfect experiences.
Both of us learned that we can begin again.
I was afraid to see how long it had been since I'd posted to this blog.
Wow.
I'd think about writing something to explain my absence, but then it would seem lame and I was busy, so I let it go.
The truth is a little more complicated, but not by much.
I had a lot of work. A LOT. Which, in these challenging times, is a good thing.
I would get up early and stay up late into the tonight to balance my projects. I found that burning the candle at both ends gets much more exhausting as I get older.
I also reaffirmed that I can tolerate almost anything (almost!) as long as I know it is finite.
I could reach for a number of profound metaphors from that statement, but I'll let it lay as it is for know.
Another truth is that at some point, I made a choice to let the blogging go for the short run. I recognized I had a finite amount of energy to get through this period, and something had to go. Something turned out to be Present Perfect Coach.
It's likely that I might have found a way to do my blogging. For a variety of reasons, the best plan for me was to give myself permission to let it go for the short term.
So now the big projects are over, and I'm about to launch another big project; one that's much closer to my heart.
I'm taking my baby girl back to college tomorrow. We'll head off early in the morning.
The faithful reader may realize that this is my daughter's sophomore year at college, so it's not the first time she's left the nest.
Yet, this journey does mark a new beginning for her. She's entering a new university in a new state, in a different part of the country.
I am enormously proud of her, for so many reasons. She assessed her freshman college situation, and realized "you only get one chance to do undergrad. I think I can do it better." On her own, she researched her options, made her applications and successfully transferred to another school.
Because this is my kid, I'd like to think I've provided her with the tools and the foundation to know she had options, and to have the courage to try something new. And to learn from less-than-perfect experiences.
Both of us learned that we can begin again.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Tim Toady
Are you familiar with Tim Toady? I just made my acquaintance today. Tim Toady is someone all managers and leaders should know. In fact, we call can learn from Tim.
Actually, "Tim Toady" is not a He, it's a phrase. More accurately, it's a acronym for a philosophy.
TIMTOWTDI.
Which means "There's more than one way to do it."
Rumor has it that the phrase originated with computer programmers praising the Perl programming language, because it "doesn't try to tell the programmer how to program."
I'm barely computer literate, but I know a good plan when I see it. And after a week of scattered and mislaid plans, I think this one can work for me.
Actually, "Tim Toady" is not a He, it's a phrase. More accurately, it's a acronym for a philosophy.
TIMTOWTDI.
Which means "There's more than one way to do it."
Rumor has it that the phrase originated with computer programmers praising the Perl programming language, because it "doesn't try to tell the programmer how to program."
I'm barely computer literate, but I know a good plan when I see it. And after a week of scattered and mislaid plans, I think this one can work for me.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Keeping Focus
"Sometimes I sits and thinks, and sometimes I just sits."
Satchel Paige
US baseball player (1906 - 1982)
There's sitting, and then there's sitting.
A growing number of elementary school teachers are experimenting with a different seat for their students -- a stability ball.
Yes, those ubiquitous personal fitness devices, found at gyms and work out studios everywhere, and finding their way under the bottoms of energetic grade school students.
By discarding the desk chairs for the big, brightly-colored rubbery spheres, kids are able to work off some of their fidgets while concentrating on their work.
Grand Haven Michigan third grade teacher Tammy Beswick said she can already see the difference in the students in her Griffin Elementary School classroom who are using the balls as chairs.
"They seem to be able to focus better on what we're teaching them," she said. "This is just another alternative to help kids."
The theory is that when your whole body's engaged, your brain is more engaged.
Beswick told the Grand Haven Tribune that the balls are not for everybody, and that students have the option of using the stability balls or regular classroom chairs.
How is your mind/body connection working for you?
Satchel Paige
US baseball player (1906 - 1982)
There's sitting, and then there's sitting.
A growing number of elementary school teachers are experimenting with a different seat for their students -- a stability ball.
Yes, those ubiquitous personal fitness devices, found at gyms and work out studios everywhere, and finding their way under the bottoms of energetic grade school students.
By discarding the desk chairs for the big, brightly-colored rubbery spheres, kids are able to work off some of their fidgets while concentrating on their work.
Grand Haven Michigan third grade teacher Tammy Beswick said she can already see the difference in the students in her Griffin Elementary School classroom who are using the balls as chairs.
"They seem to be able to focus better on what we're teaching them," she said. "This is just another alternative to help kids."
The theory is that when your whole body's engaged, your brain is more engaged.
Beswick told the Grand Haven Tribune that the balls are not for everybody, and that students have the option of using the stability balls or regular classroom chairs.
How is your mind/body connection working for you?
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
That Inner Voice
Readers of this blog know that if I hear or see a good idea, I will share it. I claim no pride of authorship; good information should be shared no mater what the source.
Today, I have to be honest: I wish I were Melinda Beck.
At least, I wish I had written the excellent article Melinda Beck posted Tuesday on the Health page of the Wall Street Journal website.
Beck's article exposes the Inner Critic -- the little voice that all of us carry inside that offers constant commentary on what we're doing, how well we're doing it and the choices we make.
Quoting Beck: "Psychologists say many of their patients are plagued by a harsh Inner Critic -- including some extremely successful people who think it's the secret to their success."
Many coaches have another name for this Inner Critic. We call it "The Gremlin." It's a great visual -- a little alien voice that whispers "You don't really think you can do that." Or maybe it says, "Don't say anything. You'll only let people know how stupid you are." And this: "You can't think that man is smiling at you, the way you look."
The thing that makes gremlins so powerful is that we create them ourselves. The gremlins have access to the best material to use against their hosts, because they are privy to all our doubts and insecurities. And once they get our attention, the louder and more powerful they become.
The irony is that gremlins can serve a good purpose. We do need to exercise some caution before we take on a new task, a new role or a new relationship. Our inner voice can save use from doing something really stupid or really dangerous. It's there for a reason.
Yet, as Beck points out, the gremlin can get out of control:
Today, I have to be honest: I wish I were Melinda Beck.
At least, I wish I had written the excellent article Melinda Beck posted Tuesday on the Health page of the Wall Street Journal website.
Beck's article exposes the Inner Critic -- the little voice that all of us carry inside that offers constant commentary on what we're doing, how well we're doing it and the choices we make.
Quoting Beck: "Psychologists say many of their patients are plagued by a harsh Inner Critic -- including some extremely successful people who think it's the secret to their success."
Many coaches have another name for this Inner Critic. We call it "The Gremlin." It's a great visual -- a little alien voice that whispers "You don't really think you can do that." Or maybe it says, "Don't say anything. You'll only let people know how stupid you are." And this: "You can't think that man is smiling at you, the way you look."
The thing that makes gremlins so powerful is that we create them ourselves. The gremlins have access to the best material to use against their hosts, because they are privy to all our doubts and insecurities. And once they get our attention, the louder and more powerful they become.
The irony is that gremlins can serve a good purpose. We do need to exercise some caution before we take on a new task, a new role or a new relationship. Our inner voice can save use from doing something really stupid or really dangerous. It's there for a reason.
Yet, as Beck points out, the gremlin can get out of control:
"An Inner Critic can indeed roust you out of bed in the morning, get you on the treadmill (literally and figuratively) and spur you to finish that book or symphony or invention. The desire to achieve can get hijacked by harsh judgment and unrelenting fear."
Beck goes on to quote Daniel F. Seidman, a clinical psychologist at Columbia University Medical Center in New York. "There's a healthy version and an unhealthy version," Seidman says. "...[P]eople may achieve a lot, but they are totally miserable about it."
It's not an either/or situation. The inner voice can be a good thing. We can choose to listen to the gremlin. Or not.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Talk To Me
I've been saving a link to a Washington Post article published last month that analyzed social networking and other communications choices against dating profiles.
Reporter Monica Hesse writes: "Today, you can be a phone person, an e-mail person, a text person, a Skype person, a Facebook wall person, a Twitter person, an instant-messaging person, or you can just stare creepily into your webcam like that manga girl on YouTube."
I saved this article because it illustrates, beyond the dance of dating, how individual the art of communication can be. Quoting Hesse again:
"Each form of communication has its own followers and rules, which means dating today is a law of inverse proportions: As ways to communicate increase, the chances you will date someone who speaks your technological language decrease."
In the month since this article ran, the buzz on Twitter has blown up almost beyond recognition. Some are arguing that the flood of media attention may have caused Twitter to "jump the shark."
(For the unaware: "jump the shark" refers to a "Happy Days" episode where the uber-cool Fonzi character literally jumped over a shark in water skis while still dressed in his iconic leather jacket. Too much to be believed, and the popular television series began its final decline.)
Today I saw another sign that might indicate super-saturation of the Twitter phenomenon. The blog Politico.com reports that the revered Associated Press Style Book, used by editors and writers everywhere for reference, added Twitter to its listings.
Twitter officially has become legit.
A few hours later, another blog reported a different sign that the Twitter phenomenon could be in transition.
As I have written before, I've had a tough time getting comfortable with Twitter. And at the same time, I recognize that Twitter has been a liberating communications tool for millions of users in cyberspace. To quote Hesse again:
"We all want partners who understand us. We want people who appreciate not only what we say but how we say it. Facebook and MySpace, after all, would seem interchangeable only to people who had never used either one."
MySpace was up; now it's down. Facebook is hot, but maybe too hot among baby boomer for millennials to stay connected. Twitter is the Next Big Thing, or not.
Communications change, whether electronically or face to face. We're all required to be open to what is the best mode of communication for the people we want to connect with, and then meet them at that space if we really want to stay in touch. Whether it's hot or not.
Reporter Monica Hesse writes: "Today, you can be a phone person, an e-mail person, a text person, a Skype person, a Facebook wall person, a Twitter person, an instant-messaging person, or you can just stare creepily into your webcam like that manga girl on YouTube."
I saved this article because it illustrates, beyond the dance of dating, how individual the art of communication can be. Quoting Hesse again:
"Each form of communication has its own followers and rules, which means dating today is a law of inverse proportions: As ways to communicate increase, the chances you will date someone who speaks your technological language decrease."
In the month since this article ran, the buzz on Twitter has blown up almost beyond recognition. Some are arguing that the flood of media attention may have caused Twitter to "jump the shark."
(For the unaware: "jump the shark" refers to a "Happy Days" episode where the uber-cool Fonzi character literally jumped over a shark in water skis while still dressed in his iconic leather jacket. Too much to be believed, and the popular television series began its final decline.)
Today I saw another sign that might indicate super-saturation of the Twitter phenomenon. The blog Politico.com reports that the revered Associated Press Style Book, used by editors and writers everywhere for reference, added Twitter to its listings.
Twitter officially has become legit.
A few hours later, another blog reported a different sign that the Twitter phenomenon could be in transition.
As I have written before, I've had a tough time getting comfortable with Twitter. And at the same time, I recognize that Twitter has been a liberating communications tool for millions of users in cyberspace. To quote Hesse again:
"We all want partners who understand us. We want people who appreciate not only what we say but how we say it. Facebook and MySpace, after all, would seem interchangeable only to people who had never used either one."
MySpace was up; now it's down. Facebook is hot, but maybe too hot among baby boomer for millennials to stay connected. Twitter is the Next Big Thing, or not.
Communications change, whether electronically or face to face. We're all required to be open to what is the best mode of communication for the people we want to connect with, and then meet them at that space if we really want to stay in touch. Whether it's hot or not.
You Make Me Sick
A common feature in many offices is an unspoken culture of "illness stoicism" -- you know, the unsaid assumption that unless you have a fever north of 104 degrees, you WILL be at your desk.
It's a requirement for executives, managers and rank-and-file employees. It shows your commitment and loyalty. And especially in these times of recession and layoff -- who wants to take the risk of missing even a day at work?
Plus, your workmates need you, don't they? (Too scary to think about the possibility that they don't).
Except it's always been a pretty stupid approach, especially for business leaders who need their organizations to operate at optimum efficiency. And now there is new research to make that point.
Researchers at the Karolinska Institutet of Stockholm found that employees who often go to work feeling sick -- termed "sickness presenteeism" -- have higher rates of future work absences due to illness.
The study is published in the June issue of the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine. You need a subscription to read the whole thing, but you can look at a wire service summary here.
The Reuters article doesn't even address the obvious risks of spreading infection throughout the workplace, thanks to "sickness presenteeism."
I'll add this: on a day when the World Health Organization elevates so-called Swine Flu (H1N1 influenza) to pandemic status, we all need to rethink the wisdom of "sickness presenteeism.
It's a requirement for executives, managers and rank-and-file employees. It shows your commitment and loyalty. And especially in these times of recession and layoff -- who wants to take the risk of missing even a day at work?
Plus, your workmates need you, don't they? (Too scary to think about the possibility that they don't).
Except it's always been a pretty stupid approach, especially for business leaders who need their organizations to operate at optimum efficiency. And now there is new research to make that point.
Researchers at the Karolinska Institutet of Stockholm found that employees who often go to work feeling sick -- termed "sickness presenteeism" -- have higher rates of future work absences due to illness.
The study is published in the June issue of the Journal of Occupational and Environmental Medicine. You need a subscription to read the whole thing, but you can look at a wire service summary here.
The Reuters article doesn't even address the obvious risks of spreading infection throughout the workplace, thanks to "sickness presenteeism."
I'll add this: on a day when the World Health Organization elevates so-called Swine Flu (H1N1 influenza) to pandemic status, we all need to rethink the wisdom of "sickness presenteeism.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
"Play the Game You Know"
I am not a big sports fan, but I have enough sports fans in my life so that I can fake a certain amount of knowledge when major sporting events come up. And I can match a respectable amount of sports "smack" for my beloved Cleveland professional sports teams.
(And no, we cannot talk about the NBA. Not now. There's a large reserve of resilience that's required to be a Cleveland sports fans, but I can't talk about it now).
Anyway. Although I can negotiate my way around sports talk, I usually grow weary pretty quickly of all the sports metaphors that people regularly apply to conversations about politics, corporate competition and other parts of life. So please appreciate what Peter Bregman had to go through to reach me with his article for the Harvard Business website. Basically, Bregman says that if you're not making progress, maybe you need to change the rules of the game:
http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/bregman/2009/06/play-the-game-you-know-you-can.html
(And no, we cannot talk about the NBA. Not now. There's a large reserve of resilience that's required to be a Cleveland sports fans, but I can't talk about it now).
Anyway. Although I can negotiate my way around sports talk, I usually grow weary pretty quickly of all the sports metaphors that people regularly apply to conversations about politics, corporate competition and other parts of life. So please appreciate what Peter Bregman had to go through to reach me with his article for the Harvard Business website. Basically, Bregman says that if you're not making progress, maybe you need to change the rules of the game:
http://blogs.harvardbusiness.org/bregman/2009/06/play-the-game-you-know-you-can.html
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Embrace the Rain
This is one of my favorite commercials right now. Not that I am endorsing Sprint or Nextel or any other wireless company. My favorite moment comes about seven seconds in -- you might call it Words To Live By:
Sunday, May 24, 2009
A Perfect Day
I write this the morning of my son’s college graduation. The sun has been up for about an hour. A smattering of clouds lessens the sun’s intensity and may threaten the outdoor commencement ceremonies planned for later this morning.
Yet, I am looking out on a perfect day, one of the most perfect I have known.
Most of my close family has gathered in New England this morning, safely negotiating the insane holiday weekend traffic. The state of my mother’s health would not permit her to join us, but we will share this special moment with her later this week.
Readers of this blog will know that for the majority of their lives, I have raised my two children by myself, following their father’s sudden death years ago. In the early morning quiet, as our daughter sleeps peacefully in the bed next to mine, my head is filled with my late husband.
Like so many parents, we began to plan our children’s lives while they were still in utero. We thought about the type of neighborhood we should live in, where we would vacation, what lessons they would take and what we would expose them to in order for them to become fully rounded citizens of the world.
Most importantly, we talked about education. Education was of paramount importance to both of us. My husband actually may have been more intense, since there was no assumption in his family that he or any of his brothers ever would go to college. Service in the military, an overnight job paired with a full daytime class load, and a variety of student loans helped him reach his goal. I came from a family where a college education was the expectation, not an option. So I think I didn’t feel the imperative that my husband felt.
We would talk about what colleges our children might attend, like a lot of obsessive yuppie parents. We had evidence of our son’s intellect and character early in his life. At about age three, our son had taught himself to read, yet was reluctant to let us know because other kids had yet to reach his level. He has displayed that combination of intelligence and humility throughout his life.
My husband and I would project into the future, visualizing the college settings where our children’s names were called and they walked across the stage to receive their degrees.
Unfortunately, by the time my children graduated from high school, their father’s passing had long since become woven into the fabric of our lives.
As I wrote, this is a perfect morning. My son will be graduating with honors today. Every time I think about that, it makes me cry. I cry for our losses, I cry for our struggles, I cry for our victories, I cry for my son’s achievements today and those he and his sister have won in the past and those yet to come. I cry for how we got over.
I cry for the incalculable gift of family and friends, the Village that has helped me raise my children. I cry for my late father, whose extraordinary example as a man, husband, father, grandfather and community leader provided the foundation for where we are today. I cry in gratitude for all the love and support that surrounds all of us today, terrestrial and celestial.
The sky is looking a little more ominous. We may get that rain.
It will be perfect.
Yet, I am looking out on a perfect day, one of the most perfect I have known.
Most of my close family has gathered in New England this morning, safely negotiating the insane holiday weekend traffic. The state of my mother’s health would not permit her to join us, but we will share this special moment with her later this week.
Readers of this blog will know that for the majority of their lives, I have raised my two children by myself, following their father’s sudden death years ago. In the early morning quiet, as our daughter sleeps peacefully in the bed next to mine, my head is filled with my late husband.
Like so many parents, we began to plan our children’s lives while they were still in utero. We thought about the type of neighborhood we should live in, where we would vacation, what lessons they would take and what we would expose them to in order for them to become fully rounded citizens of the world.
Most importantly, we talked about education. Education was of paramount importance to both of us. My husband actually may have been more intense, since there was no assumption in his family that he or any of his brothers ever would go to college. Service in the military, an overnight job paired with a full daytime class load, and a variety of student loans helped him reach his goal. I came from a family where a college education was the expectation, not an option. So I think I didn’t feel the imperative that my husband felt.
We would talk about what colleges our children might attend, like a lot of obsessive yuppie parents. We had evidence of our son’s intellect and character early in his life. At about age three, our son had taught himself to read, yet was reluctant to let us know because other kids had yet to reach his level. He has displayed that combination of intelligence and humility throughout his life.
My husband and I would project into the future, visualizing the college settings where our children’s names were called and they walked across the stage to receive their degrees.
Unfortunately, by the time my children graduated from high school, their father’s passing had long since become woven into the fabric of our lives.
As I wrote, this is a perfect morning. My son will be graduating with honors today. Every time I think about that, it makes me cry. I cry for our losses, I cry for our struggles, I cry for our victories, I cry for my son’s achievements today and those he and his sister have won in the past and those yet to come. I cry for how we got over.
I cry for the incalculable gift of family and friends, the Village that has helped me raise my children. I cry for my late father, whose extraordinary example as a man, husband, father, grandfather and community leader provided the foundation for where we are today. I cry in gratitude for all the love and support that surrounds all of us today, terrestrial and celestial.
The sky is looking a little more ominous. We may get that rain.
It will be perfect.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Save Yourself
This panel from Dave Coverly's "Speed Bump" comic made me chuckle. It also has special resonance for me as a coach. The truth is that in most instances, people actually save themselves from mistakes or bad choices. Other people in their lives -- family, friends, mentors, co-workers, therapists and coaches -- can shine a light on the opportunities, options and choices available to all of us. But the choice to be saved belongs to each of us.
Be your own s/hero.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Women and Bullies
In a post on this blog last month, I mentioned the phenomenon of workplace bullies. Now, a recent article in the New York Times focuses attention on a special form of work place bullying: women who bully other women.
Reporter Mickey Meece provides context in her article by noting the special challenges that women face in achieving higher rank within the work force, and also how stereotypes held by both men and women and can make it difficult for women and taint the perceptions of their performance. Meece offers information about the costs in retention and retraining that can come when bullies are not brought under control.
In an additional warning, Meece writes: "During this downturn, as stress levels rise, workplace researchers say, bullies are likely to sharpen their elbows and ratchet up their attacks."
Another reason why forward-thinking leaders should be looking for signs of bullying, and ready to stop it in its tracks.
Once again, the link to the New York Times article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/10/business/10women.html?em
Reporter Mickey Meece provides context in her article by noting the special challenges that women face in achieving higher rank within the work force, and also how stereotypes held by both men and women and can make it difficult for women and taint the perceptions of their performance. Meece offers information about the costs in retention and retraining that can come when bullies are not brought under control.
In an additional warning, Meece writes: "During this downturn, as stress levels rise, workplace researchers say, bullies are likely to sharpen their elbows and ratchet up their attacks."
Another reason why forward-thinking leaders should be looking for signs of bullying, and ready to stop it in its tracks.
Once again, the link to the New York Times article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/10/business/10women.html?em
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Make the Cow
One of my good friends, Elizabeth, is probably the most erudite, cosmopolitan person I personally know. Another daughter of the great Midwest, Elizabeth is a world traveler, fluent in several languages, successful in a variety of vocations. She also is a creative, instinctive cook; a fluid writer and a gracious hostess with a distinct style aesthetic that can be seen in every room she inhabits. Even her offices.
As it often happens to people with multiple abilities, the weight of all that talent can bog a person down. She tells a story from her childhood that illustrates the burden of that choice:
Back in grade school, Elizabeth's efforts to craft a cow from modeling clay caught the attention of her teacher. She, along with a few other selected students, was given the privilege of taking their clay home so that they could have additional time to perfect their creations.
Elizabeth's mother, a savvy, frugal and practical woman, looked on as her child continued to sculpt her bovine statue. "It's nice," her mom said, "but what do you do with it? Maybe if it was part of an ashtray or something..."
So Elizabeth, wanting to please her mom, divided the clay so that there was enough for an ashtray to attach to the cow.
The teacher expressed her dismay the next day at school. "Why did you do that?" she cried. "It was beautiful before. Now I don't know what it is."
As Elizabeth spends more time on her creative pursuits, she gets frustrated when her efforts to find more practical, money making applications interfere with her aesthetic vision. As though no one ever bought a piece of art for its sheer beauty, or bought a book for its ability to transport the reader to a different state of being.
The way I see it, sometimes you should just forget about the ashtray. Just make the cow.
As it often happens to people with multiple abilities, the weight of all that talent can bog a person down. She tells a story from her childhood that illustrates the burden of that choice:
Back in grade school, Elizabeth's efforts to craft a cow from modeling clay caught the attention of her teacher. She, along with a few other selected students, was given the privilege of taking their clay home so that they could have additional time to perfect their creations.
Elizabeth's mother, a savvy, frugal and practical woman, looked on as her child continued to sculpt her bovine statue. "It's nice," her mom said, "but what do you do with it? Maybe if it was part of an ashtray or something..."
So Elizabeth, wanting to please her mom, divided the clay so that there was enough for an ashtray to attach to the cow.
The teacher expressed her dismay the next day at school. "Why did you do that?" she cried. "It was beautiful before. Now I don't know what it is."
As Elizabeth spends more time on her creative pursuits, she gets frustrated when her efforts to find more practical, money making applications interfere with her aesthetic vision. As though no one ever bought a piece of art for its sheer beauty, or bought a book for its ability to transport the reader to a different state of being.
The way I see it, sometimes you should just forget about the ashtray. Just make the cow.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Listen
I am fascinated by the HBO series “In Treatment,” and particularly actor Gabriel Byrne’s portrayal of the empathetic, insightful, flawed therapist Paul Weston.
Each episode is compelling, in large part because of the exquisite, subtle and nuanced writing. The producers do not rely on some huge revelation or patient breakthrough by the end of each half hour. The audience, the therapist and the patient learn gradually (and sometimes uncomfortably) as the conversations progress.
"In Treatment" also showcases amazing performances by Gabriel Byrne (delivered with his deep, musical Irish lilt) and the actors who play his patients. They manage to wring so much tension out of each episode that it’s only at the end of the half-hour that you realize all you’ve been watching is two or three people in a room, talking.
Watching Dr. Weston’s work with his four patients, and the doctor’s work with his own therapist, is instructive and discomforting at the same time. As a coach, I am riveted by Dr. Weston’s listening ability and process. At the same time, I note with concern the parallels between therapy and coaching.
There is no question that the relationship between coach and client can be therapeutic, and ideally, should have some therapeutic qualities. Yet coaching is not therapy, and is not intended to be. There is an ongoing challenge to maintain awareness of the distinction between those disciplines.
What coaching and therapy share is a foundation of deep listening. During a recent interview on the NPR program “Fresh Air,” Byrne discussed the qualities of listening with host Terry Gross.
“Listening is one of the most profound complements that you can pay to another person.,” said Byrne. “And to feel that you’re heard can be truly fulfilling.”
Gross, often recognized as one of the best interviewers in broadcasting, noted the similarities between Byrne’s portrayal of therapy and her own job: “It’s about listening and asking good questions.”
As Byrne examined his preparation for the role of Paul Weston, he told how he had become an observer of the act of listening, and how that act can be transcendent:
“…[S]he was so absorbed in everything that he was saying…but in the act of engaging with him, by listening, she was outside herself. And I looked at them and realized that that was what the act of listening is – when you’re absolutely absorbed in what the other person is saying. Really, truly, profoundly listening is to be unaware of yourself at a deep level.”
I’m not suggesting that every act of listening needs to be or should be done at the level described by Byrne. Yet the various levels of listening, and the power of being absorbed in another person’s words and even their silence, are tools available to everyone – therapists, actors, interviewers – and coaches.
Each episode is compelling, in large part because of the exquisite, subtle and nuanced writing. The producers do not rely on some huge revelation or patient breakthrough by the end of each half hour. The audience, the therapist and the patient learn gradually (and sometimes uncomfortably) as the conversations progress.
"In Treatment" also showcases amazing performances by Gabriel Byrne (delivered with his deep, musical Irish lilt) and the actors who play his patients. They manage to wring so much tension out of each episode that it’s only at the end of the half-hour that you realize all you’ve been watching is two or three people in a room, talking.
Watching Dr. Weston’s work with his four patients, and the doctor’s work with his own therapist, is instructive and discomforting at the same time. As a coach, I am riveted by Dr. Weston’s listening ability and process. At the same time, I note with concern the parallels between therapy and coaching.
There is no question that the relationship between coach and client can be therapeutic, and ideally, should have some therapeutic qualities. Yet coaching is not therapy, and is not intended to be. There is an ongoing challenge to maintain awareness of the distinction between those disciplines.
What coaching and therapy share is a foundation of deep listening. During a recent interview on the NPR program “Fresh Air,” Byrne discussed the qualities of listening with host Terry Gross.
“Listening is one of the most profound complements that you can pay to another person.,” said Byrne. “And to feel that you’re heard can be truly fulfilling.”
Gross, often recognized as one of the best interviewers in broadcasting, noted the similarities between Byrne’s portrayal of therapy and her own job: “It’s about listening and asking good questions.”
As Byrne examined his preparation for the role of Paul Weston, he told how he had become an observer of the act of listening, and how that act can be transcendent:
“…[S]he was so absorbed in everything that he was saying…but in the act of engaging with him, by listening, she was outside herself. And I looked at them and realized that that was what the act of listening is – when you’re absolutely absorbed in what the other person is saying. Really, truly, profoundly listening is to be unaware of yourself at a deep level.”
I’m not suggesting that every act of listening needs to be or should be done at the level described by Byrne. Yet the various levels of listening, and the power of being absorbed in another person’s words and even their silence, are tools available to everyone – therapists, actors, interviewers – and coaches.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Pay (More) Attention
This week's Science section in the New York Times has a good article on the new book Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life, written by Winifred Gallagher and referenced in this blog last week.
The Times article offers additional support for Ms. Gallagher's conclusions about the myth of multi-tasking by noting recently published research in the science journals Nature and Neuron about the process of paying attention.
Gallagher, a cancer survivor, takes a very personal view of the process of paying attention. She describes how during her cancer treatments, she realized she had a finite amount of attention to use and also describes her choice of whether to focus that attention on family or the possible prospect of her death.
“People don’t understand that attention is a finite resource, like money,” she told the Times. “I’d ask myself: Do you want to lie here paying attention to the very good chance you’ll die and leave your children motherless, or do you want to get up and wash your face and pay attention to your work and your family and your friends? Hell or heaven — it’s your choice.”
The Times article offers additional support for Ms. Gallagher's conclusions about the myth of multi-tasking by noting recently published research in the science journals Nature and Neuron about the process of paying attention.
Gallagher, a cancer survivor, takes a very personal view of the process of paying attention. She describes how during her cancer treatments, she realized she had a finite amount of attention to use and also describes her choice of whether to focus that attention on family or the possible prospect of her death.
“People don’t understand that attention is a finite resource, like money,” she told the Times. “I’d ask myself: Do you want to lie here paying attention to the very good chance you’ll die and leave your children motherless, or do you want to get up and wash your face and pay attention to your work and your family and your friends? Hell or heaven — it’s your choice.”
Friday, May 1, 2009
Stand Up
I was on a short Southwest flight last week – not enough time to really do any work of my own, but just enough time to browse through the airline’s well-written inflight magazine, Southwest Spirit. Which offered a tale of unparalleled leadership from an unexpected source.
The April issue’s cover features Cameron Hughes, a rather nondescript middle aged Canadian who makes his living as a fan-for-hire; a cheer-leading hired gun, so to speak.
Hughes commands large sums of money from major and minor league professional sports franchises to, well, cheer. Although that seems to be a poor definition of his unique skill.
Dressed in well-worn denim jeans, a sports shirt and athletic shoes, Hughes takes his seat among the rest of the fans in the arena and watches the first few minutes of the game. Then he stands, and he starts to clap. He turns to encourage others around him to clap. If they don’t join him, his movements get more exaggerated; maybe even manic.
Somehow, in each venue, the same thing happens: the sight of this oh-so-average looking guy throwing himself wildly into enthusiastic, fanatic expression gets the crowd going. No matter how sparse the turn out. No matter how pitiful the team’s record. He dances. He gyrates. He pulls off his outer shirt to reveal layers of team logo shirts, which he then strips off and generously tosses to the now-cheering crowd.
Hughes first discovered his special talent in high school, after failing to win a spot on the basketball team. He devoted his 6’ 3” frame to fan performance, complete with painted face and hand-painted signs.
He continued to hone his act in college, where he evolved into “Mellon Man,” a costumed character adorned by a helmet made from half of a carved-out watermelon.
Hughes began his professional career as a frantic fan for his local hockey team, first getting paid in free tickets and paraphernalia. That evolved into cash payments, and now he earns about $1500 a night for 70 to 80 games a year.
Sports teams hire Hughes because of the value he adds to the ticket buyers’ entertainment experience, whether the home team wins or loses…or loses most of the time. Yet Hughes understands that he’s providing more than entertainment. As writer Mike Darling explains:
When Hughes performs, it’s not just about helping fans cheer a little louder for the home team, but about helping people transcend the moment and feel connected to something bigger. While Hughes works mainly in sports arenas, he also tours the country pumping up crowds of students and businessmen—including his alma mater, eight years running. “Most of all, I talk about the need to stand up,” he says. “It sums up all that I do. You can’t accomplish anything in life unless you’re first willing to stand up. The fact is, I got up at a hockey game all those years ago, I wasn’t afraid to be who I was, and it changed my life forever.”
Cameron Hughes. Superfan. Standup Guy. Leader.
The April issue’s cover features Cameron Hughes, a rather nondescript middle aged Canadian who makes his living as a fan-for-hire; a cheer-leading hired gun, so to speak.
Hughes commands large sums of money from major and minor league professional sports franchises to, well, cheer. Although that seems to be a poor definition of his unique skill.
Dressed in well-worn denim jeans, a sports shirt and athletic shoes, Hughes takes his seat among the rest of the fans in the arena and watches the first few minutes of the game. Then he stands, and he starts to clap. He turns to encourage others around him to clap. If they don’t join him, his movements get more exaggerated; maybe even manic.
Somehow, in each venue, the same thing happens: the sight of this oh-so-average looking guy throwing himself wildly into enthusiastic, fanatic expression gets the crowd going. No matter how sparse the turn out. No matter how pitiful the team’s record. He dances. He gyrates. He pulls off his outer shirt to reveal layers of team logo shirts, which he then strips off and generously tosses to the now-cheering crowd.
Hughes first discovered his special talent in high school, after failing to win a spot on the basketball team. He devoted his 6’ 3” frame to fan performance, complete with painted face and hand-painted signs.
He continued to hone his act in college, where he evolved into “Mellon Man,” a costumed character adorned by a helmet made from half of a carved-out watermelon.
Hughes began his professional career as a frantic fan for his local hockey team, first getting paid in free tickets and paraphernalia. That evolved into cash payments, and now he earns about $1500 a night for 70 to 80 games a year.
Sports teams hire Hughes because of the value he adds to the ticket buyers’ entertainment experience, whether the home team wins or loses…or loses most of the time. Yet Hughes understands that he’s providing more than entertainment. As writer Mike Darling explains:
When Hughes performs, it’s not just about helping fans cheer a little louder for the home team, but about helping people transcend the moment and feel connected to something bigger. While Hughes works mainly in sports arenas, he also tours the country pumping up crowds of students and businessmen—including his alma mater, eight years running. “Most of all, I talk about the need to stand up,” he says. “It sums up all that I do. You can’t accomplish anything in life unless you’re first willing to stand up. The fact is, I got up at a hockey game all those years ago, I wasn’t afraid to be who I was, and it changed my life forever.”
Cameron Hughes. Superfan. Standup Guy. Leader.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Pay Attention
Last year NPR’s “Morning Edition” ran a series of reports on the myth of multitasking.In part, it deconstructed the entire idea of multitasking, saying that instead of doing everything at once, people really are rapidly shifting from one task to another.
Executive functions governed by the brain’s frontal lobes allow us to prioritize what we want to focus on, and when to make the shift.
But no matter how many task we rotate between, the need to pay attention and focus remains constant. And the effort to multitask undermines the ability to pay attention.
Journalist and author Winifred Gallagher examines research about the brain’s ability to focus consciously and subconsciously in her newest book, Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life.
Gallagher definitely supports the value of intense focus as a way to achieve a higher state of performance (Tiger Woods as one example). She also looks at the function of the subconscious mind, and the value of meditation to heighten that activity.
Gallagher’s book has been reviewed in the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post, among other publications. You can read the WSJ view here, and the Post's treatment here.
At a time when people are being bombarded with demanding stimuli like Twitter, Facebook, old-fashioned email and a zillion other electronic and printed sources of information, the idea of multitasking goes beyond seductive to downright vital. The value of comparing the reviewers' perspectives presented here is the affirmation that there are multiple points of view to the applications of multitasking. There is no one size fits all.
Think about it. Something to add to your “To Do” list.
Executive functions governed by the brain’s frontal lobes allow us to prioritize what we want to focus on, and when to make the shift.
But no matter how many task we rotate between, the need to pay attention and focus remains constant. And the effort to multitask undermines the ability to pay attention.
Journalist and author Winifred Gallagher examines research about the brain’s ability to focus consciously and subconsciously in her newest book, Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life.
Gallagher definitely supports the value of intense focus as a way to achieve a higher state of performance (Tiger Woods as one example). She also looks at the function of the subconscious mind, and the value of meditation to heighten that activity.
Gallagher’s book has been reviewed in the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post, among other publications. You can read the WSJ view here, and the Post's treatment here.
At a time when people are being bombarded with demanding stimuli like Twitter, Facebook, old-fashioned email and a zillion other electronic and printed sources of information, the idea of multitasking goes beyond seductive to downright vital. The value of comparing the reviewers' perspectives presented here is the affirmation that there are multiple points of view to the applications of multitasking. There is no one size fits all.
Think about it. Something to add to your “To Do” list.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Worry Beats Denial
“Worry is not preparation.”
I came across this quote a few months ago and it rang so true for me that immediately posted it here.
(I think the source is author C.S. Lewis – if anyone can confirm, let me know.)
Now I have met an executive who illustrates what I think should be the corollary to that quote: “But worry is better than denial.”
Bryant runs internal training and development programs for a major communications company. He also has input in content development. His operation enjoyed a great degree of autonomy, and he reported directly to the CEO.
Until about three months ago.
In short order, the old CEO was gone and a new one came in. The company made a reassessment of its financials and suddenly, layoffs and buyout offers were flying through the organization.
Bryant now reports to the recently-promoted senior vice president of another department within the company, a person who used to be a peer in title and status.
Oh – and Bryant’s office was moved out of the main headquarters to a spacious office in an auxiliary building around the corner.
These changes occurred just as Bryant was launching a major training initiative, one that he and the previous CEO had spent more than a year to design and fine tune for the specific needs of their organization. In senior staff meetings, the new CEO publicly expressed continued support for the effort, but privately had little time to discuss execution and follow through.
Bryant’s new supervisor seemed uncertain about the purpose of the project, and erratic in his offers of attention and support. Bryant’s efforts to provide clarity were met by resistance and sometimes, outright hostility.
Bryant is convinced that once his project is complete, and once his organization recognizes its value, a wave of appreciation will sweep over the new CEO, his supervisor and the rest of the senior management team.
Bryant is not worried. He should be.
The ground has totally shifted beneath Bryant’s feet, yet he is convinced that the path to safety lies in following the same road map he created before the upheaval. He doesn’t realize that as good as his project may be, he is the only one left who is invested in its success. Or that the definition of success may have changed.
If Bryant were worried, he might be thinking more about identifying what the new CEO sees as the biggest problems now facing the company, and how to offer support.
If Bryant were worried, he might be thinking hard about the possible scenarios for his future with the organization, and start developing new options within the company and beyond.
Worry is not preparation. But it can be the place where preparation begins.
I came across this quote a few months ago and it rang so true for me that immediately posted it here.
(I think the source is author C.S. Lewis – if anyone can confirm, let me know.)
Now I have met an executive who illustrates what I think should be the corollary to that quote: “But worry is better than denial.”
Bryant runs internal training and development programs for a major communications company. He also has input in content development. His operation enjoyed a great degree of autonomy, and he reported directly to the CEO.
Until about three months ago.
In short order, the old CEO was gone and a new one came in. The company made a reassessment of its financials and suddenly, layoffs and buyout offers were flying through the organization.
Bryant now reports to the recently-promoted senior vice president of another department within the company, a person who used to be a peer in title and status.
Oh – and Bryant’s office was moved out of the main headquarters to a spacious office in an auxiliary building around the corner.
These changes occurred just as Bryant was launching a major training initiative, one that he and the previous CEO had spent more than a year to design and fine tune for the specific needs of their organization. In senior staff meetings, the new CEO publicly expressed continued support for the effort, but privately had little time to discuss execution and follow through.
Bryant’s new supervisor seemed uncertain about the purpose of the project, and erratic in his offers of attention and support. Bryant’s efforts to provide clarity were met by resistance and sometimes, outright hostility.
Bryant is convinced that once his project is complete, and once his organization recognizes its value, a wave of appreciation will sweep over the new CEO, his supervisor and the rest of the senior management team.
Bryant is not worried. He should be.
The ground has totally shifted beneath Bryant’s feet, yet he is convinced that the path to safety lies in following the same road map he created before the upheaval. He doesn’t realize that as good as his project may be, he is the only one left who is invested in its success. Or that the definition of success may have changed.
If Bryant were worried, he might be thinking more about identifying what the new CEO sees as the biggest problems now facing the company, and how to offer support.
If Bryant were worried, he might be thinking hard about the possible scenarios for his future with the organization, and start developing new options within the company and beyond.
Worry is not preparation. But it can be the place where preparation begins.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Measuring Up
Even the occasional reader of this blog knows of the affection I have for TLC Cable network's show What Not To Wear.
For the uninitiated, each episode features hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly surprising some unsuspecting fashion victim and offering to trade $5000 worth of new clothing for the contents of the victim's closet, with the pledge that all replacement clothing will fit the shopping rules of stylists London and Kelly. Hair and makeup makeovers are included.
What I love about the show is that it invariably demands an unexpected degree of self awareness from the participants. These women (and most of the participants on the show are women) have to take a good look at their authentic selves, internally and externally, in this moment of time, and then embrace that person.
An article in today's Washington Post reinforces that I'm not alone in my loyalty to WNTW. Health Writer Jennifer Huget, who contributes to both the Eat, Drink and be Healthy column and the Checkup blog on the Washington Post website, interviewed Stacy London, then invited readers to weigh in (no pun intended) about the practice of letting clothes suck up closet space long after they no longer fit.
Huget's article and the readers' comments provide food for thought on holding on to our past selves, and when to move on.
For the uninitiated, each episode features hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly surprising some unsuspecting fashion victim and offering to trade $5000 worth of new clothing for the contents of the victim's closet, with the pledge that all replacement clothing will fit the shopping rules of stylists London and Kelly. Hair and makeup makeovers are included.
What I love about the show is that it invariably demands an unexpected degree of self awareness from the participants. These women (and most of the participants on the show are women) have to take a good look at their authentic selves, internally and externally, in this moment of time, and then embrace that person.
An article in today's Washington Post reinforces that I'm not alone in my loyalty to WNTW. Health Writer Jennifer Huget, who contributes to both the Eat, Drink and be Healthy column and the Checkup blog on the Washington Post website, interviewed Stacy London, then invited readers to weigh in (no pun intended) about the practice of letting clothes suck up closet space long after they no longer fit.
Huget's article and the readers' comments provide food for thought on holding on to our past selves, and when to move on.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Managers and Cuts
Once again, Jill Geisler at the Poynter Institute perfectly captures the challenges and struggles for leaders during these turbulent economic times. Her current column focuses on newsroom managers, but she is speaking truth to leaders in all types of organizations.
This is important information for employers and employees. Read it.
The Private Hell of Managers Facing Newsroom Cuts
This is important information for employers and employees. Read it.
The Private Hell of Managers Facing Newsroom Cuts
Monday, April 13, 2009
Pain, Courage and Perfection
Spring is the harbinger of the award season in American journalism. In broadcasting, the College of Journalism and Mass Communication at University of Georgia already has announced the winners of its George Foster Peabody Awards for work done in 2008. Columbia University will reveal the recipients of the 2009 Pulitzer prizes next Monday.
Midway through the season comes the Medill Award for Courage in Journalism, presented by the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University (disclosure: I attended grad school at Medill). The 2008 Medill Medal went to Cleveland Plain Dealer reporter Joanna Connors for her series "Beyond Rape: A Survivor's Journey."
Connors recounted the story of her 1984 attack and rape, and her subsequent journey to address, confront and regain control over the aftermath of those events.
I first read Connors extraordinary self-reporting in May 2008, when the Plain Dealer ran the multi-part series. What blew me away was not only the quality of the writing (which was superlative), but the exacting standard of truth which permeates every detail. Connors' self awareness is painful at points: the blame she assigns herself for entering a dangerous place; her admission of how fears of racial discrimination lead her to doubt her instincts; her acknowledgment of how race and class differences affected the outcome of her case; the balance of her empathy for the violent and disadvantaged life of her attacker against her understandable lack of forgiveness for his crime; and how her love and concern for her teen-aged daughter lead her to confront long-buried wounds and unresolved fears.
I wanted to blog about Connors' series as soon as I read it, but I worried that writing about her journey in a blog titled "Present Perfect Coach" might dishonor her testimony.
Almost a year later, I know that people who read Connors' series, or hear her description of her journey (found here in an interview with NPR's Michel Martin on the show "Tell Me More,") will embrace what is perfect about Joanna Connors and her courage.
I have made this point before in this blog, but it cannot be repeated enough: all of us get crap in our lives; some more than others and sometimes beyond our imaginations.
It's not what you get; it's what you do with it. Even 23 years later.
Congratulations, Ms. Connors, and thank you.
Midway through the season comes the Medill Award for Courage in Journalism, presented by the Medill School of Journalism at Northwestern University (disclosure: I attended grad school at Medill). The 2008 Medill Medal went to Cleveland Plain Dealer reporter Joanna Connors for her series "Beyond Rape: A Survivor's Journey."
Connors recounted the story of her 1984 attack and rape, and her subsequent journey to address, confront and regain control over the aftermath of those events.
I first read Connors extraordinary self-reporting in May 2008, when the Plain Dealer ran the multi-part series. What blew me away was not only the quality of the writing (which was superlative), but the exacting standard of truth which permeates every detail. Connors' self awareness is painful at points: the blame she assigns herself for entering a dangerous place; her admission of how fears of racial discrimination lead her to doubt her instincts; her acknowledgment of how race and class differences affected the outcome of her case; the balance of her empathy for the violent and disadvantaged life of her attacker against her understandable lack of forgiveness for his crime; and how her love and concern for her teen-aged daughter lead her to confront long-buried wounds and unresolved fears.
I wanted to blog about Connors' series as soon as I read it, but I worried that writing about her journey in a blog titled "Present Perfect Coach" might dishonor her testimony.
Almost a year later, I know that people who read Connors' series, or hear her description of her journey (found here in an interview with NPR's Michel Martin on the show "Tell Me More,") will embrace what is perfect about Joanna Connors and her courage.
I have made this point before in this blog, but it cannot be repeated enough: all of us get crap in our lives; some more than others and sometimes beyond our imaginations.
It's not what you get; it's what you do with it. Even 23 years later.
Congratulations, Ms. Connors, and thank you.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Workplace Bullies, and What To Do About Them
Bea Fields, a leadership and business coach I really respect and admire, uses her blog about Millennial Leaders ("Millennials" being defined as those Generation Y 20-somethings who are moving into the workplace in increasing numbers) to caution about the pervasiveness of bullying in both schools and the office.
Bea (along with another great coach, Scott Wilder and other contributors) literally wrote the book about Millennials and the ways their presence is changing the workforce and traditional approaches to problem-solving. Millennial Leaders should be required reading for any executive who is planning for the long run.
In her blog today, Bea notes that just as children can be reluctant to report or talk about the bullying they suffer, young adults in the work place also can uncertain about what constitutes bullying, and its negative consequences. This article from Forbes.com offers more specific information.
Thanks, Bea, for bringing attention to an issue that should concern leaders and employees in any organization.
Bea (along with another great coach, Scott Wilder and other contributors) literally wrote the book about Millennials and the ways their presence is changing the workforce and traditional approaches to problem-solving. Millennial Leaders should be required reading for any executive who is planning for the long run.
In her blog today, Bea notes that just as children can be reluctant to report or talk about the bullying they suffer, young adults in the work place also can uncertain about what constitutes bullying, and its negative consequences. This article from Forbes.com offers more specific information.
Thanks, Bea, for bringing attention to an issue that should concern leaders and employees in any organization.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Beautiful Music
Music has been a constant in my life. From the 78 rpm Count Bassie LP's my parents would play, through my siblings' Motown 45's; classical and pop music concerts, vinyl LP's, CD's and music downloads. An eclectic variety of music presented in multiple formats. While the music has been a constant, its variations and its delivery change continuously. I am reminded of that reality by two very different musicians: Benjamin Zander and Ophir “Kutiman” Kutiel.
Benjamin Zander is the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic. Not only is he known around the world as both a guest conductor, he also is a sought-after speaker on leadership. He sees the creation of music and its harmonies as a metaphor for bringing out the best in ourselves and others. He explores these ideas about leadership in the book he co-authored with his wife Rosamund Stone Zander, The Art of Possibility. He also demonstrates his approach in this February 2008 presentation to the T.E.D. (Technology, Entertainment and Design) Conference In Monterrey, California.
"Kutiman" is an Israeli musician and producer who is blowing up in the world of viral videos. His achievement: mashing up hundreds of unrelated musical performances found on YouTube and creating cohesive, tight, unique songs. The result of his work, titled "Thru You," can be heard and viewed here, including snippets of the various videos used in the production.
Both men show way creativity and flexibility are essential for leadership. Kutiman saw the potential in the raw material he found on YouTube, yet had no opportunity to change any of the performances he used. Instead, he painstakingly wove each piece together to produce something beyond the imaginations of any of the individual contributors.
Zander, working in a far different musical medium, recognizes the most important part of his own contribution in presenting orchestral work. "The conductor of an orchestra doesn't make a sound," he says. "He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful."
He adds: "I realized my job was to awaken possibility in other people"
Something we all should remember. Because by empowering other people, we empower ourselves.
Benjamin Zander is the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic. Not only is he known around the world as both a guest conductor, he also is a sought-after speaker on leadership. He sees the creation of music and its harmonies as a metaphor for bringing out the best in ourselves and others. He explores these ideas about leadership in the book he co-authored with his wife Rosamund Stone Zander, The Art of Possibility. He also demonstrates his approach in this February 2008 presentation to the T.E.D. (Technology, Entertainment and Design) Conference In Monterrey, California.
"Kutiman" is an Israeli musician and producer who is blowing up in the world of viral videos. His achievement: mashing up hundreds of unrelated musical performances found on YouTube and creating cohesive, tight, unique songs. The result of his work, titled "Thru You," can be heard and viewed here, including snippets of the various videos used in the production.
Both men show way creativity and flexibility are essential for leadership. Kutiman saw the potential in the raw material he found on YouTube, yet had no opportunity to change any of the performances he used. Instead, he painstakingly wove each piece together to produce something beyond the imaginations of any of the individual contributors.
Zander, working in a far different musical medium, recognizes the most important part of his own contribution in presenting orchestral work. "The conductor of an orchestra doesn't make a sound," he says. "He depends, for his power, on his ability to make other people powerful."
He adds: "I realized my job was to awaken possibility in other people"
Something we all should remember. Because by empowering other people, we empower ourselves.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Making Connection
Since the beginning of the year, I've had the privilege of coaching groups of workers in transition. Most are journalists, many have been laid off, all wonder about their employment future in these turbulent economic times.
These days, everyone has heard the post-layoff cardinal rule of job hunting: network, network, network. Tell everyone you know that you're looking. Reach out to people you know well, and those you barely know at all. Email your entire address book.
Online social networks now are playing a more visible role in the job search process. Facebook, Linkedin and Twitter all have applications and subgroups that target people looking find employment or new opportunities.
At the same time, online job listings rule the lives of many job seekers. They plan their days around perusing mega sites like monster.com or careerbuilder.com, the huge database of federal openings on usajobs.gov. They may move on to the opportunities posted by Internet sites like Yahoo and AOL, and then devote time to Craigslist and more traditional newspaper online classifieds. Hours each day in front of a computer screen, reading ads and mentally trying on each position for a possible fit.
With all these new electronic options, you'd think the job of finding a job would be easier. That's not what I'm hearing. People are weary, isolated and dispirited.
Be honest: how healthy can it be -- physically or mentally -- to spend hours in front of a computer screen scrolling through endless descriptions of the perfect employee? Measuring yourself against hundreds of Human Resources fantasies?
And here's a little secret: there can be a certain kind of seductiveness to the antiseptic nature of the electronic job search. You can avoid retelling the story of your joblessness, and whatever feelings of hurt, anger, rejection and shame that you may have attached to it.
There's a sense of safety alone on your side of the computer screen.
Here's what I know: the most powerful job contacts are based on relationships. And relationships require care and maintenance, where over coffee, over the phone or over the Internet.
That means doing more than sending a mass email blast to let people know you're looking for work. It may mean reaching out to people with whom you share some real connection or interest. The guy you used to talk to in the break room at your old job. The soprano who stands behind you in the church choir. The sympathetic soccer dad who encourages your kid despite his dribbling challenges. The former classmate who you helped get through Econ 101. The customer you helped with a new product. The community leader who got a fair break from you during a time of controversy.
These are the people who know you and can vouch for you. They can be more powerful than any anonymous online job posting.
Online, connections can be enhanced posting a comment about a link posted on someone's Facebook page. Or joining the discussion with members of a shared interest group on Linkedin. Or responding to an intriguing tweet.
The main thing to remember is that connection is a two-way street. Reaching out also means asking about the other person -- their lives, their hopes, their challenges.
Sometimes, it's not all about you.
Connection has benefits beyond the job search. It reminds us of that we're all in this together, that everyone has challenges, that a getting a job is a means to achieve certain goals -- not the goal itself.
Connection provides perspective. And in these chaotic times, perspective is invaluable.
These days, everyone has heard the post-layoff cardinal rule of job hunting: network, network, network. Tell everyone you know that you're looking. Reach out to people you know well, and those you barely know at all. Email your entire address book.
Online social networks now are playing a more visible role in the job search process. Facebook, Linkedin and Twitter all have applications and subgroups that target people looking find employment or new opportunities.
At the same time, online job listings rule the lives of many job seekers. They plan their days around perusing mega sites like monster.com or careerbuilder.com, the huge database of federal openings on usajobs.gov. They may move on to the opportunities posted by Internet sites like Yahoo and AOL, and then devote time to Craigslist and more traditional newspaper online classifieds. Hours each day in front of a computer screen, reading ads and mentally trying on each position for a possible fit.
With all these new electronic options, you'd think the job of finding a job would be easier. That's not what I'm hearing. People are weary, isolated and dispirited.
Be honest: how healthy can it be -- physically or mentally -- to spend hours in front of a computer screen scrolling through endless descriptions of the perfect employee? Measuring yourself against hundreds of Human Resources fantasies?
And here's a little secret: there can be a certain kind of seductiveness to the antiseptic nature of the electronic job search. You can avoid retelling the story of your joblessness, and whatever feelings of hurt, anger, rejection and shame that you may have attached to it.
There's a sense of safety alone on your side of the computer screen.
Here's what I know: the most powerful job contacts are based on relationships. And relationships require care and maintenance, where over coffee, over the phone or over the Internet.
That means doing more than sending a mass email blast to let people know you're looking for work. It may mean reaching out to people with whom you share some real connection or interest. The guy you used to talk to in the break room at your old job. The soprano who stands behind you in the church choir. The sympathetic soccer dad who encourages your kid despite his dribbling challenges. The former classmate who you helped get through Econ 101. The customer you helped with a new product. The community leader who got a fair break from you during a time of controversy.
These are the people who know you and can vouch for you. They can be more powerful than any anonymous online job posting.
Online, connections can be enhanced posting a comment about a link posted on someone's Facebook page. Or joining the discussion with members of a shared interest group on Linkedin. Or responding to an intriguing tweet.
The main thing to remember is that connection is a two-way street. Reaching out also means asking about the other person -- their lives, their hopes, their challenges.
Sometimes, it's not all about you.
Connection has benefits beyond the job search. It reminds us of that we're all in this together, that everyone has challenges, that a getting a job is a means to achieve certain goals -- not the goal itself.
Connection provides perspective. And in these chaotic times, perspective is invaluable.
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