Resolutions

I've been thinking about the end of 2008 for a while. Truthfully, I've been looking forward to it.

It's been a year that's brought amazing events and celebrations, some that I've dreamed about and some beyond my imagination.

It's also brought enormous challenges and losses that continue to test me, my clients and those I love.

As I wrote in a previous post
(_http://presentperfectcoach.blogspot.com/2008/12/time-in-bottle.html_), 2008 is the longest year since 1992, thanks to the leap day of February 29 and the extra leap-second that will be added before midnight.

If ever a year needed to find a graceful conclusion, it's this one. At least IMHO.

I know I'll review 2008 and remember all its perfect moments and lessons. Later.

Right now I'm going to think about 2009.

I'm not much for resolutions and lists, but fortunately, media blogger Chris Brogan made a list of what NOT to do in 2009 that contains points of perfection (at least for the coach in me):

Stop waiting for something to come that will make everything better (if only).

And: Stop striving for perfection, and strive for execution instead.

He adds a few things that we all might add to our "To Do" lists:

Work on interesting projects that matter to you (and empower others to participate).

Discover your passions (and share them openly)

So in the spirit of the season, this gift: the Brogan lists:

http://www.chrisbrogan.com/12-things-to-stop-doing-in-2009/

Seems like a great foundation for 2009.

Happy New Year!

I Am Who I Am

“I don’t want to be jealous, but I think that maybe I am.”

This admission came from a vice president at a national non-profit organization. In the past year, he had moved from running the main communications arm of the organization into a more specialized role, designing specific strategies to move his coalition into the 21st Century.

“Michael” has the most fascinating background of almost anyone I know. Peace Corps volunteer, newspaper correspondent and editor, university instructor, fellowship grantee, government consultant, television news producer and more. He has a talent for taking complex ideas and situations and presenting them in a way that is accessible to people of every stripe. He exhibits a sense of empathy and patience, knowing what context his audiences need to understand the issues and challenges before them.

Ironically, that patience and empathy often go missing inside an office. Michael can whip up at least three fresh strategic ideas each day, with a clear vision of how to put them in motion. Yet he becomes extremely impatient when his managers or senior executives fail to understand or quickly enact his plans. That impatience has surfaced everywhere he has worked.

Another piece of irony: Michael has a gift for supervising and developing subordinates. He listens completely, encourages dissent, welcomes creative thinking, is generous with appreciation and credit AND fights hard to get his staff the resources and promotion they deserve.

But Michael has no interest in nor time for “managing up,” as the saying goes. He figures that anyone on the executive level should automatically know what they're doing and it's not his job to teach them.

Whatever else one might say about Michael’s executive officers, they deserve credit for recognizing that Michael’s strategic talents might best be utilized in a position less likely to generate so much friction between him and his higher-ups. And thanks to his staff development efforts, one of Michael’s direct reports needed little grooming to move into the vice presidency vacancy created by Michael’s transition into his new role.

Which brings us back to the matter of jealousy. Michael’s replacement is having much more success in persuading senior management to consider and try new communications models – models that usually come from Michael’s new office.

“I don’t understand why they listen to her when they wouldn’t listen to me,” he said.

“What does she do that is different?” I asked.

“Well, she listens to all their asinine objections, even when she knows they’re wrong. She compliments them about their input and observations. She almost never says ‘no’ to any of their requests, even when it might jeopardize a more important project.”

“Hmmm. Seems like she had a great teacher.”

Michael paused, then laughed. “Yeah, I guess that sounds a lot like the way I treated my old staff.”

Michael recognized the patterns of his behavior, the good and the bad. He’d always had a reputation for being a wonderful boss, and at the same time, he’d had problems with authority all his working life. He knew he did his best work when given space and autonomy.

Michael recognized his patterns. And he recognized that after all these years, he had no desire to change them. Even in service of a better title and a bigger pay check. He had the self awareness to know what he was willing to do, and what he was not.

He’d just lost sight of that reality for a moment, even as he was taking pride in the accomplishments of his former manager.

“Still jealous?” I asked.

“Maybe a little,” he smiled. “But I think it’s under control.”

A Perfect Christmas

Once again, we’re on the eve of a major holiday. Some people consider it to be the biggest day on the calendar for spiritual and religious reasons. For others, it’s a time when (most) commercial work shuts down and families spend time together.

Christmas always has the potential for exponentially more stress than Thanksgiving. The expectations are so much higher – gifts, decorations, traditions. Even those who don’t celebrate the Christian holiday can’t help but absorb the surrounding tension. Christmas 2008 is gearing up to be the most challenging in decades with the economy and even the weather across the country conspiring to make everyone work harder to get to their celebration.

There never has been a more difficult or better time to find the perfect moment.

If you’ve struggled to find the money for Christmas presents, pause to appreciate the gift of people you cherish so much that you want to celebrate them. If you are trudging your way across town or across the country to join loved ones for the holidays, take time to appreciate the actual journey you’ve chosen. If you’ve taken vacation time to enjoy holiday, also celebrate the fact that, in this economy, you have a job to return to after Christmas.

2008 may be the perfect time to redefine and rediscover the true “reason for the season.”

Merry Christmas and grateful thanks giving to us all, every one.

What Not To Wear -- Extended

There's a recurring theme on my guilty pleasure television show What Not To Wear http://tinyurl.com/33e7h (see my previous post for background)

It's people who punish themselves about their bodies. These are folks who have put on a few pounds over the years, or whose shapes have changed after the birth of children, or illness or just the passage of time. Some of these people have plans to diet or start working out. They plan to buy new clothes and upgrade their wardrobes…just as soon as they drop those pounds, tighten those abs and tone up.

WNTW stylists Stacy London and Clinton Kelly point out how self-defeating this attitude can be. Because the underlying message here is that people don’t deserve to look good in their clothes until their bodies are perfect.

A wardrobe should not be used as self-punishment. Everyone deserves to wear clothes that fit and enhance their appearance, whether they are size four or size 24.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in setting goals as a source for motivation and change. At the same time, unmet goals can be a source of self-flagellation; a handy cat-o-nine tails to reinforce a sense of self-loathing and defeat. Exaggerated focus on a goal can obliterate the view of the victories large and small accomplished along the way, every day.

To quote a dear friend: “when you wait for the perfect time, you may already be in it and
miss it.”

Time In A Bottle

For everyone who has wished for more time (and who hasn’t?), you’re about the get your wish.

This momentous year of 2008 will NOT end at the stroke of midnight. Instead, a “leap second” will be added on to the last minute of the year.

According to the Daily Telegraph of London http://tinyurl.com/6yk3f2 , this tweak is being done because the earth is gradually slowing down as it spins on its axis. It will be the 24th such adjustment since 1972.

This leap year of 2008 already was lengthened by an extra day on February 29. The extra second will make it the longest year since 1992.

Now you have more time. What will you do with it?

Letting Go

10 Questions for Ron Howard

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1864441,00.html

What was the most difficult part about making the transition from actor to director? Matthew Peterson HOT SPRINGS, ARK.

For me it was learning to not control everything. When you're directing, of course, you're supervising everything, but if you don't trust the artists you're collaborating with, you wind up tying one of their hands behind their back. My work got much, much better when I learned to let go a little bit.

I read this in the waiting room of the Oncology Radiation department of a local hospital, waiting for a friend to complete the latest treatment. The cancer, which seemed to be getting under control, actually had spread. And that brought us to Oncology Radiation.

The cancer announced its new assault by causing a seizure. Because of that seizure, my friend no longer can drive. And all the fragile fragments of normality that have provided comfort since the original diagnosis have been blown away like leaves in a brisk autumn wind.

Child actor-turned-award-winning director Ron Howard was talking about transitions and the benefits of letting go. My friend’s transitions are not by choice. Yet, each day is filled with the learning of letting go, and living in the moment of each day’s challenge.

No matter what we think we control, it always comes back to the hand we’re dealt, and how we choose to play those cards. That’s all we control, and that has more power than we know.

What Not To Wear

We all have our guilty pleasures. One of mine is a reality television show.

I LOVE “What Not To Wear” on the TLC cable network.
http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html

For the uninitiated, WNTW follows the untiring work of two fashion “stylists,” Stacy London and Clinton Kelly, as they ambush nominated fashion victims, secretly videotape their fashion faux pas, expose them to an unforgiving 360 degree mirror, trash their existing wardrobes and then whisk them to New York where, after being given a set of strict fashion rules divined for their specific body and figure types, the fashion miscreants are given a VISA card with $5,000 to buy a whole new wardrobe. The makeover includes a session with a top-notch hair stylist and a professional makeup artist. All of this transformation takes place over the course of a week.

At first blush, this has the elements of a lot of reality shows – humiliation, transformation. But I LOVE this show, because it is the best coaching metaphor EVER.

360 degree mirror? Hello? What else is this torture but a version of the 360 review that is found throughout corporate America? The ambush and the “secret footage” provide the perfect compliment, giving friends and co-workers given permission to voice their honest opinions in a safe environment, while the nominee is forced to face how she (and yes, most of the nominees are women) is perceived by the rest of the world.

Those multiple views strip away every self delusional lie: “it’s not THAT short; THAT tight; THAT long; THAT loose; THAT bland; THAT bright; THAT low-cut; THAT sexy; THAT old, THAT worn; THAT torn; THAT inappropriate; THAT awful.”

Stacy and Clinton are there to reinforce – “Yes, it’s really THAT BAD.”

After this forced, public introspection, the two stylists then show the participants clothing options that better suit their body types, profession, life style and age. Sometimes this requires gently getting people to accept that their bodies have changed. Sometimes it means acknowledging that times have changed – what worked in the 1990’s no longer applies in the new millennium.

Every episode has a happy ending. The participants learn that their clothes can reveal more about who they are than the words that come out of their mouths. They reflect on why they clung so hard to their old image, and the possibilities of the new. They learn the rewards of change, and the sense of accomplishment that can come from the simple act of taking a risk.

A lot of people would be willing to trade their old image for a makeover and a free shopping trip to New York. I’d guess most of the participants on “What Not To Wear” would say their experience was worth a lot more.

New wardrobe? $5,000. New Self awareness? Priceless.