A dear friend contacted me after reading my post “When Did You Know?” Because he is a dear friend, he offered me love and support for my new blog. And because he is a trusted friend, he knew he was welcomed to offer me some constructive criticism about my entry. Specifically, he questioned the use of the phrase "No matter how you feel about homosexuality." He felt it was unnecessary.
And because we are good friends, we could enter into a dialogue about my choice. I challenged him about the use of the word “homosexuality” because I thought I had to address some readers’ possible discomfort with the topic. Homosexuality is the source of the revelations found in both the Cinemax documentary and in Eric Deggans' blog. Homosexuality is the elephant in the room which may cause some readers to lock onto their feelings about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people while missing the examination of self-awareness that inspired me to write the post in the first place.
My friend was not convinced. He said that he knew why I wrote the phrase, but felt that by acknowledging possible bias, I somehow conferred legitimacy to those beliefs. “Would it be okay,” he asked, “to say, ‘no matter how you feel about being Jewish,’ or ‘no matter how you feel about people of different races?’"
As a black woman, I have a lifetime of experience with “otherness;” with people sometimes weighing my thoughts and observations against my color and gender instead of the accuracy or value of the comments themselves.
And here’s where it gets tricky. In the previous paragraph, I just used my race and gender (and the life experience that description implies) to establish my bona fides in commenting on issues of discrimination and bias. As much as I want to be judged for my individual insights, I must embrace all the parts that make me who I am.
I suggested to my friend the acknowledgement that people hold biased or noxious views is not the same as legitimizing those views. It’s simply another form of transparency, or awareness.
For instance: one thing that drives me crazy is when someone (usually white) says to me “I don’t see color.” Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because if you don’t see color, you don’t see me in full. And if someone chooses not to see me -- all of me -- that makes me sad. The individuality that defines us, that cries for recognition in all of us, is the sum of all our life experiences. The good and the bad. The celebrations and the slights. The misunderstandings and the breakthroughs.
In my original post, I focused on Eric Deggans’ description of self discovery as “a slow process, marked by flashes of recognition.” As my friend pointed out, those flashes may illuminate some uncomfortable truths. I believe that discomfort to be a vital part of the process of self awareness.
My friend and I did not reach any ultimate conclusion. I do believe we both came away from our conversation knowing each other -- and ourselves -- better.
And because we are good friends, we could enter into a dialogue about my choice. I challenged him about the use of the word “homosexuality” because I thought I had to address some readers’ possible discomfort with the topic. Homosexuality is the source of the revelations found in both the Cinemax documentary and in Eric Deggans' blog. Homosexuality is the elephant in the room which may cause some readers to lock onto their feelings about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people while missing the examination of self-awareness that inspired me to write the post in the first place.
My friend was not convinced. He said that he knew why I wrote the phrase, but felt that by acknowledging possible bias, I somehow conferred legitimacy to those beliefs. “Would it be okay,” he asked, “to say, ‘no matter how you feel about being Jewish,’ or ‘no matter how you feel about people of different races?’"
As a black woman, I have a lifetime of experience with “otherness;” with people sometimes weighing my thoughts and observations against my color and gender instead of the accuracy or value of the comments themselves.
And here’s where it gets tricky. In the previous paragraph, I just used my race and gender (and the life experience that description implies) to establish my bona fides in commenting on issues of discrimination and bias. As much as I want to be judged for my individual insights, I must embrace all the parts that make me who I am.
I suggested to my friend the acknowledgement that people hold biased or noxious views is not the same as legitimizing those views. It’s simply another form of transparency, or awareness.
For instance: one thing that drives me crazy is when someone (usually white) says to me “I don’t see color.” Is that supposed to be a compliment? Because if you don’t see color, you don’t see me in full. And if someone chooses not to see me -- all of me -- that makes me sad. The individuality that defines us, that cries for recognition in all of us, is the sum of all our life experiences. The good and the bad. The celebrations and the slights. The misunderstandings and the breakthroughs.
In my original post, I focused on Eric Deggans’ description of self discovery as “a slow process, marked by flashes of recognition.” As my friend pointed out, those flashes may illuminate some uncomfortable truths. I believe that discomfort to be a vital part of the process of self awareness.
My friend and I did not reach any ultimate conclusion. I do believe we both came away from our conversation knowing each other -- and ourselves -- better.
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