Taking Care

“Take care of yourself.”

Of all the instructions or guidance I share with my clients, this is the one that meets with the greatest resistance.

An experienced senior manager -- struggling to balance a difficult client and his aging father’s latest health crisis – almost bit my head off as I suggested that his first focus should be self-care.

A high profile entertainment personality, juggling a career-defining role and a sibling’s life-threatening illness, dismissed my concern.

An executive navigating the transition into a new industry and out of a bad marriage merely looked confused, as though the idea of maintaining self-focus while building a brand was something that dropped down from Mars.

Each person had a history of success and recognition. Each person could look back and count the barriers they had toppled through pure grit and perseverance, beyond the skill and intelligence they possessed.

So maybe that’s why there is so much resistance to this expression of support. Maybe the phrase lands as an unintended accusation or judgment.

A coach friend of mine suggested that perhaps these words raise some level of unacknowledged alarm, because they imply vulnerability. Or maybe it’s the recognition of negligence, because the recipient knows full well how much care they are taking, or not.

I don’t know why this charge generates so much push back or fear. Experience would suggest that the reasons are as varied and numerous as the stories we tell ourselves every day about the “have-to’s” and “shoulds” and “can’ts” in our lives; the self-created blinders that block out our options.

What I do know (through observation and experience) is that you have to take care of yourself so that you can continue to take care of the people and relationships you care about most.

“Take care of yourself” is NOT permission to act “selfishly.” It is a charge to practice “self-ness;” an appeal to stay aware of your own needs and internal resources so that you know when you’re running low and need to replenish your energy, your spirit.

Self-care is a power source that radiates out, replenishing those around you.

So please, for everyone’s sake, Take Care of Yourself.