Making Connection

Since the beginning of the year, I've had the privilege of coaching groups of workers in transition. Most are journalists, many have been laid off, all wonder about their employment future in these turbulent economic times.

These days, everyone has heard the post-layoff cardinal rule of job hunting: network, network, network. Tell everyone you know that you're looking. Reach out to people you know well, and those you barely know at all. Email your entire address book.

Online social networks now are playing a more visible role in the job search process. Facebook, Linkedin and Twitter all have applications and subgroups that target people looking find employment or new opportunities.

At the same time, online job listings rule the lives of many job seekers. They plan their days around perusing mega sites like monster.com or careerbuilder.com, the huge database of federal openings on usajobs.gov. They may move on to the opportunities posted by Internet sites like Yahoo and AOL, and then devote time to Craigslist and more traditional newspaper online classifieds. Hours each day in front of a computer screen, reading ads and mentally trying on each position for a possible fit.

With all these new electronic options, you'd think the job of finding a job would be easier. That's not what I'm hearing. People are weary, isolated and dispirited.

Be honest: how healthy can it be -- physically or mentally -- to spend hours in front of a computer screen scrolling through endless descriptions of the perfect employee? Measuring yourself against hundreds of Human Resources fantasies?

And here's a little secret: there can be a certain kind of seductiveness to the antiseptic nature of the electronic job search. You can avoid retelling the story of your joblessness, and whatever feelings of hurt, anger, rejection and shame that you may have attached to it.

There's a sense of safety alone on your side of the computer screen.

Here's what I know: the most powerful job contacts are based on relationships. And relationships require care and maintenance, where over coffee, over the phone or over the Internet.

That means doing more than sending a mass email blast to let people know you're looking for work. It may mean reaching out to people with whom you share some real connection or interest. The guy you used to talk to in the break room at your old job. The soprano who stands behind you in the church choir. The sympathetic soccer dad who encourages your kid despite his dribbling challenges. The former classmate who you helped get through Econ 101. The customer you helped with a new product. The community leader who got a fair break from you during a time of controversy.

These are the people who know you and can vouch for you. They can be more powerful than any anonymous online job posting.

Online, connections can be enhanced posting a comment about a link posted on someone's Facebook page. Or joining the discussion with members of a shared interest group on Linkedin. Or responding to an intriguing tweet.

The main thing to remember is that connection is a two-way street. Reaching out also means asking about the other person -- their lives, their hopes, their challenges.

Sometimes, it's not all about you.

Connection has benefits beyond the job search. It reminds us of that we're all in this together, that everyone has challenges, that a getting a job is a means to achieve certain goals -- not the goal itself.

Connection provides perspective. And in these chaotic times, perspective is invaluable.

Post-Inauguration Insights

I'm blurry as I write this, after a day of goodbyes and departures as family heads home from the events of Tuesday, January 20, 2008.

I was down on the National Mall, in the thick of it. Freezing temperatures, overflow crowds, hours waiting, whatever. Didn't matter. It was history, and I wanted, NEEDED, to be present, even if I could barely see the West Front of the Capitol far off in the distance. I would have been there even without the huge Jumbotron screens placed strategically along the Mall.

As I've written before, on election night, my son sent me a text saying "I love this country." And as I looked at my cellphone, I realized that for the first time, as an African American woman who has spent a lifetime loving this country, I truly felt as though my country loved me back. That my skin color no longer qualified my country's love for me. Or my children.

The fact that I got to experience the inauguration on the Mall with my son and daughter and sister on either side made the moment that much more sweet.

I've never been in a crowd that large. I've never been a part of a crowd all focused so intensely on one moment, on one sentiment, on one collective feeling.

That afternoon, after hours of fighting the crowds and the cold to make our way back home, I called a childhood friend who had watched the days' events in her home in the midwest. Julie was bursting with excitment about what she'd seen during her channel surfing, and all the conversations she'd had and observations she'd shared. She even told people about me and my family braving the cold on the Mall.

Did I mention that Julie was home alone all day? And that she had warned people not to call or interrupt her on Tuesday?

My friend's viewing community was made up of people on Twitter. She was connected to people all over the world, tweeting and responding to each other.

Personally, I hungered for the chance to see and feel the reactions of the people surrounding me. The tactile experience of numb toes and chapped cheeks just added to my sense memory of the event.

If Julie had been in Washington Tuesday, we probably would have gone to the Mall together. Yet she was happy and elated to share her inaugural experience electronically through her international network of acquaintances and strangers.

As it happens, Julie is developing into a kind of expert on social media and its applications. She gives presentations to organizations seeking to reach new audiences. She "gets" it, and more importantly, she understands that people may chose diverse ways to take in information or experience the world.

The more Julie and I shared our views of the day, I realized I was hearing the difference between contact and solitude, between the effort of being around people on a regular basis and the satisfaction of being on your own. Julie has insight into a whole universe of people who adapt to new technologies precisely because they chose a variety of ways to interact with other people, within their comfort levels.

We each found our own way to experience and celebrate the inauguration. The right way.