Do I See You? Or Me?

Executive Coach and author Russell Bishop explores a concept that readers of this blog have seen before, the belief that there is the possibility of perfection within each moment. Even within times of challenge, Bishop writes that there is positive learning in negative experiences.

It's an examination of the laws of attraction, yet from a different perspective than the current pop culture variety. Bishop employs an older concept, "the mirror:"


"The mirror concept suggests that when we perceive something in another, or react to something in another, what we are really doing is seeing a reflection of our own selves in the other person's behavior.

In fact, we may not perceive their behavior accurately, especially when it comes to intent. We may be seeing something, interpreting it through our own filters or self-judgments, and then reacting toward or against the other person. What we may truly be trying to do, however, is bring to our own awareness some aspect or quality of our own behavior that detracts from who we truly are, or how we would prefer to represent ourselves in the world."

You can read more of Bishop's analysis in this article on the Huffington Post.

And spend some time with the provocative question he raises:

"Just ask yourself if you are willing for things to be different, and, by extension, for you to be different."

Five Key Questions

Reading this new essay by master coach Marcus Buckingham, I am reminded again why I am drawn to coaching as a vocation and its power to illuminate the basic truths that can lead to happier, more authentic lives.

As part of a series of essays Buckingham is writing on Women and Happiness for the popular Huffington Post website, he poses these five critical questions to drill down on how to chose happiness:

1. How often do you get to do things you really like to do?
2. How often do you find yourself actively looking forward to the day ahead?
3. How often do you get so involved in what you're doing you lose track of time?
4. How often do you feel invigorated at the end of a long, busy day?
5. How often do you feel an emotional high in your life?

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcus-buckingham/what-the-happiest-and-mos_b_301406.html

For those unfamiliar with Marcus Buckingham, he is best known for his work as a strengths coach; that is, focusing on those things and behaviors that strengthen us. And although his Huffington Post essays concentrate on women, there is learning here for everyone.

With the questions listed above, you can see the distinction between those things we are good at, and those things which are good for us. That can be a tough distinction to make, especially when we are rewarded or even honored for practices that drain our spirits.

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If you have the chance, I really recommend reading all of the Buckingham essays on Women and Happiness. He provides the background his research, which showed despite all the technological advances and the improving status of women in cultures around the world, women self-reported being less happy with their lives. That essay is here.

Buckingham breaks it down further in his next essay, saying that the more options women have, the more they seem to use those options to measure themselves, often negatively. In other words, they didn't focus on what they did well; they stressed over all they were not doing, or not doing well enough. My description may be slightly off -- judge for yourself here.