Let It Go

Professionally and personally, it's been a busy week for me, with more time spent away from my computer and my desk than normal.

At week's end, a dreary day turned into a rainy, chilly day, with little extraneous distraction. I could stay at my desk, catching up on the correspondence, the websites and the blogs that make up my usual reading.

It has been a busy week in the worlds of business, politics and pop culture, so there were a number of articles which caught my interest. Additionally, the friends and acquaintances which populate the social networking sites I frequent had been very busy this week, posting pictures and links and videos at a sprightly pace.

So I had an array of material to peruse and digest. And as is the case with web surfing, each article provided additional links that beckoned and demanded further examination.

As morning turned to afternoon and evening, I stayed focused on the computer screen, with only a few brief breaks. Each time I refreshed the home page of each site, I revealed more material. Phone calls and other interruptions brought a sense of irritation, even anxiety, as I began to worry how I ever would get through all the material I wanted to, needed to absorb.

Finally I realized: This Is Nutz.

One of the defining characteristics of the new millennium is information overload. Each day, we all must decide whether we will let our information choices work for us, or bury us. It is a very personal task of setting appropriate boundaries for ourselves, so that we can prioritize and make time for those things we need to do and want to do, with the people we want to be with.

I had let the fast current of information sweep me up like a storm surge, leaving me gasping for breath. It was a situation of my own creation. I had chosen it.

And I could chose to let it go.

I'll be shutting down the computer. For now. Taking a deep breath, connecting with the larger world. Getting some some badly-needed perspective.

Which should help when I resume my electronic connections tomorrow.

Ascent Up From Hell

I have spent the past week climbing out of computer hell. Holla if you feel me.

The week started with a resolution to fix, once and for all, a long-standing wireless connectivity issue. I had made so many attempts to get identify and correct the problem that I must have made my way through the entire warehouse of Dell tech support technicians. Each time, it would seem we had achieved success -- until the too familiar error message would come back again.

More than one technician warned that I might have to reinstall my computer's operating system, just in case there was a corrupt file gumming up the works. You don't have to know much about computers to fear this remedy. Reinstalling the OPS system means wiping out all your data. And as a small business owner, that meant wiping out the life and memory of my business.

No big deal, right? All I needed to do was back up my data to some external storage device. The storage unit I had stopped working, so I went to replace it. The sale guy at the Geek Shop (my term for the computer mega store I visited) convinced me to purchase another brand of external storage which offered a Terabyte of storage at a cheaper price. And he assured me that it was easy to use.

Thus fortified, I took home the sleek new mega storage unit. It took me a couple of days to get the backup working properly ("easy to use" -- yeah, right). With the set up complete, the unit actually showed me the names of each file as it transferred data to the external drive. I was ready for the worst.

After one last back up last Saturday morning, I contacted tech support for my computer's manufacturer. I did have to reinstall my operating system. And when I say it took ALL DAY to fix my wireless problem, I mean it took ALL FREAKIN' DAY. I said my last goodbye to the tech at 4:55pm.

All I had to do now was restore my data, right? Right. Except I couldn't. I could see the registry of files listed on the external unit, but I could not transfer them to my computer. Nor could I access them from the external drive.

Giving up was not an option. Thus began the Ascent Up From Hell:

Sunday: I discover there's no weekend telephone tech support for the external drive's manufacturer. An old PC and my smartphone link me to the electronic world.

Monday: Snowstorm. Shoveling distractions.Tech-savvy friend talks me through potential fixes. None work. Friend warns "your data may be gone." Hysteria. Condensed cycle through five phases of grief.

Tuesday: Take computer to neighborhood computer shop. Good news: Tech locates and opens files on the external drive. Bad news: Tech is unsure how to restore files to my computer.

Wednesday: Good news: pick up computer with most files restored. Bad news: Microsoft Outlook and all its data can't be found.

Thursday: Frantic house search for Original Outlook software that came with computer, instead of upgraded software installed later. Good news: found the CD's!
Bad News: Can't do email from Outlook.

Friday: Good News: Outlook is operating! Bad news: All data from month of February is gone.

To summarize: I started the week with an unstable computer. I end the week with a stable computer and some missing data.

This summary completely glosses over the emotional journey of the week; the lost productivity; the money I had to pay for repairs. Still, compare where I was Monday, when I thought all my data was gone, to where I am today. I've got a different perspective on the loss of February's data than I would have one week before.

So all in all, I'd say it was a good week.

Now you'll have to excuse me. I'm off to buy some new UBS flash drives.

Thanks for the Memory. Now Take It Back

Would you be willing to erase bad memories? Just wipe them off your hard drive?

What memories would you choose? The pain of injury? The pain of loss? Embarrassment? Failure?

Recently, there have been news reports about a pill that allegedly could erase or at least minimize painful memories. Amsterdam psychologist Merel Kindt presented research on the concept to the science journal Nature Neuroscience. Kindt and colleagues devised a test to see if they could interrupt the brain's ability to recreate a memory of a traumatic event.

As reported on MSNBC.com (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29284885/), sixty volunteers were shown pictures of spiders and given a mild electrical shock to create bad memories. The next day, they saw the pictures again but half were given the drug propranolol, a beta-blocker commonly used to treat heart disease. The other half took a placebo pill.

The participants returned a third day and were shown the pictures again. The researchers found that people given propranolol had a much lower emotional response — measured by a startle reflex — to the images.

An "eraser pill" seems like a much more pleasant experience than the one detailed in the 2004 movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind." In that film, Kate Winslet's character undergoes an experimental electrical treatment to wipe out all memory of her turbulent relationship with Jim Carrey's Joel Barish. When he discovers this, Joel too demands to have the procedure so that he can forget the pain of love lost.

But a funny thing happens. The further Joel goes back in his memory, the more rediscovers the reasons and the feelings that made him fall in love in the first. place. And even without any guarantee that things could ever be made right for him and his ex-girlfriend, Joel begins to fight for his memories, good and bad.

To be clear: the Swedish researchers were not looking a magic pill to erase all bad memories. Their idea was to make them more manageable for people who suffer from paralyzing phobias or anxieties brought about by traumatic experience. They reasoned if the response to such memories were made more tolerable, the painful memory AND THE FEAR OF THAT pain would have less control over people's lives.

However, the headlines of most news stories touted "Memory Eraser Pill." The editors and producers knew their audiences would be captured by the idea of making bad memories -- and the bad feelings that accompany them -- disappear.

But what would life be like it we had the ability to erase painful memories? Would we ever learn from our mistakes? Would we ever truly appreciate the value of loyalty without knowing the pain of betrayal? The satisfaction of success without the sting of defeat? Could we learn empathy for the suffering of others without the knowledge that comes from our own suffering?

As a follow up to the "Eraser Pill" stories, the British newspaper The Daily Mail published a survey of five people and asked if they would take such a pill if it became available (http://tinyurl.com/c7bpml) I was stuck by the answers of two woman, both the survivors of horrific acts of cruelty.

The first had been brutally gang raped when she was in her 20's. "...[I]f I was offered the chance, would I erase that memory? Never." she said. "Truly awful as that experience was, it has made me who I am today — and while I don’t want to live with that memory, I don’t want to forget it either.

"Experiences shape who we are and who we become; even awful memories teach you things — to appreciate life and see different perspectives."

The second woman survived the 2002 night club bombings in Bali, which killed 202 people. Her take: "Part of someone’s personality is built on the strength of knowing that however bad something is, you can survive and that life goes on. Taking a pill would mean you never deal properly with something that has happened."

As much as we would like to be able to make bad memories disappear -- whether through electric therapy or pills or even a simple wish -- they are given to us for a reason. Even with their pain, they are perfect, for us to use as we see fit.

The Authentic Leader

This week’s issue of Newsweek features an essay written by Chelsey B. “Sully” Sullenberger, the US Airways pilot who executed that miraculous landing of Flight 1549 in the Hudson River last month.


http://www.newsweek.com/id/184605
All I Wanted Was to Talk to My Family, and Get Some Dry Socks


I am among the millions of people who have watched this graceful man accept adulation, admiration and appreciation from every corner of the world. And as I watched him and his crew (who must not be forgotten in the immediate focus on Captain Sullenberger), gamely making the rounds of various media outlets, I wondered how they withstood it. So much attention, so much need to be “on” for the public, so many recitations of their moment of horror. These people had been just about as close to death as anyone who gets to survive and tell the tale. And they had responsibility for 150 other people. I can’t imagine how many times Capt. Sullenberger must have wanted to turn his back and run into the embrace of his family, ministering to their own personal trauma from what could have been.

For me, the Newsweek essay reveals the authentic essence of the Captain in a way that the multiple television interviews did not. His view of leadership, stated so simply and woven throughout the essay, provides an example for each of us. This portion, in particular, stood out to me:


“[W]e followed our training, and our philosophy of life. We valued every life on that airplane and knew it was our responsibility to try and save each one, in spite of the sudden and complete failure of our aircraft.

“We never gave up. Having a plan enabled us to keep our hope alive. Perhaps in a similar fashion, people who are in their own personal crises – a pink slip, a foreclosure – can be reminded that no matter how dire the circumstance, or how little time you have to deal with it, further action is always possible. There’s always a way out of even the tightest spot. You can survive.”

Having a plan. Being clear about your values, priorities and philosophy of life, so you can adjust your plan along the way. Having faith in your ability to survive.

That pretty much sums it up.

One other observation about Capt. Sullenberger: despite the steadiness he conveyed in his various television appearances, he could not hide his discomfort with the hero worship being heaped upon him. He could not view himself that way. Yet in his essay, he expresses his evolution about his new public role, and its value to other people:

“My family and I are trying hard to remain true to ourselves and not let this change us, but there’s a steep learning curve. The trajectory of our lives has changed forever. And we’re determined to make good come of this in every way that we can.”

The words of an authentic leader.

Quote Of The Day

"Worry is not preparation."

Love this. If anyone can give me the origin of this quote, please share. It may be C.S. Lewis; I'm happy to attribute proper credit.

Letting go: Another view

Yesterday I let go of a friend. I fought it all the way.

Yesterday my friend was buried after a short but extremely ferocious battle with cancer. We were the same age.

Sandee had passed away one week before. None of us were ready. Not her sister, nor her father, nor the extensive network of friends she had accumulated during her extraordinary life.

And certainly not her son, the light of her life, the infant she'd adopted as a single parent when he was three days old. How could 12 short years with her prepare him for her absence?

Sandee was nutz about her son. She radiated love for him, in every look and in every conversation. Yet his addition to her life only magnified the light Sandee beamed out every day.

Sandee had enjoyed a successful career as a journalist before moving into the world of Public Relations. She sought a lifestyle with better hours and more stability. The transition was part of her preparation for the role she knew she was destined to embrace: Mother.

She saw no greater calling. And not just for herself. This woman of boundless, centered faith created a ministry at her church to support caring adults who were drawn to adopt African American children, especially boys. She knew that there were all kinds of families who could nurture children and raise them to reach their potential.

Sandee and son were quite a team. Her love was unconditional, and she loved him enough to set boundaries and expectations. Her confidence in his future was unlimited.

At the beginning of his eulogy, Sandee's pastor did something I'd never experienced before. He asked the congregation to rise and "give God a hand" for blessing us with the life of Sandra. The applause went on for almost two minutes. The catharsis was immense.

And in that moment of celebration, in an environment filled with light and love, an environment that was so authentic to the spirit of my friend, I let go of my anger at the loss of her physical presence. I let go of the Sandee I had known. I realized that her spirit would stay with all of us. She would never let us go.

My Mistake

Our new president has completed his second full week in office. And although he still enjoys approval ratings upwards of sixty percent, I'm guessing that he's glad to have day 14 behind him.

President Obama arranged to make himself available Tuesday for a series of interviews with the news anchors from the major broadcast television networks. The appearances were part of a plan to build support for his economic stimulus plan. He also wanted to highlight his ongoing bipartisan outreach efforts, illustrated by his choice of a Republican senator to fill the post of Commerce Secretary.

That was the plan when all that network airtime was scheduled.

The president did get to talk about his stimulus plan and his Commerce appointment. But only after he had to account for the withdrawal of two other major cabinet appointments due to their tax problems. And this came on the heals of the new Treasury Secretary and his tax mea culpa.

Mr. Obama acknowledged his embarrassment, and how these lapses in the vetting process could look to the Americans who voted for him to bring change to Washington.

"I screwed up," he said. The president said "I screwed up." Again and again, interview after interview, to be played again and again on various newscasts.

Observers have likened Mr. Obama's popularity and celebrity to that of a rock star. Even rock stars make mistakes. Will make mistakes. Guaranteed.

Leaders may be measured more by their performance in the face of failure than success. Can they admit error? Learn from their mistakes? Make corrections mid-course? Do they demonstrate the dynamic flexibility required to handle the unexpected?

In the continuum of unexpected presidential challenges, the tax problems of a few potential cabinet members won't seem like much down the road when compared to military incursions, natural disasters or environmental threats. But maybe Tuesday provided some insight into how this president will respond when the Next Big Thing lands unannounced on his desk.